The Hills Recap: "Mess with Me, I Mess with You"

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On last night's season episode of The Hills, Kristin and Justin-Bobby took their fake relationship to the next level, while Speidi argued about kids a lot.

Below, The Hollywood Gossip staff reviews the most recent memorable installment of MTV's "reality" hit, awarding and deducting points as it sees fit ...

Stacie to Kristin: "We're two, like, kinda bitches." So true, and so right. Plus 4.

These girls have really long, fake-looking hair. Except Jayde. She rules. Even.

Heidi Montag thinks having a child will "mature" Spencer Pratt. This logic is comically flawed, but is just the sort of thing an airhead like Heidi would actually believe, and she's far from the only woman to think this, so ... Even.

Lo seems a little uncomfortable at lunch with Kristin, twirling her hair like a madwoman. Kristin Cavallari trying to act makes us squirm, too. Plus 3.

It gets worse when Kristin says she'll mess with Audrina if she messes with her. Does MTV just hand Kristin a pile of quotes, all pertaining to bitchiness and being the girl version of a player, and tell her to work them in? Minus 5.

Speidi has neighbors. They look nice. We feel sorry for them. Minus 2.

Audrina Patridge invites the gang to an Epic Records concert event at an L.A. club. Yay, obvious but effective cross promotion! Vedera was pretty good too. Plus 2.

Props to Stephanie Pratt for flat-out asking what the band looks like and not even feigning interest in the music. Plus 2. Plus 3 more her disgust when it's a chick.

Chiara sighting! Plus 1.

Spencer Pratt on children: "I can barely be around adults, how am I supposed to be around kids?" Plus 8. Side note: How cute is the lil' neighbor kid Enzo!?

Later, the evil one tells his baby crazy wife that he wants to get his "tubes tied like tomorrow." Much like when a guy we knew in college used to say chicks wanted to "bone" him, we're not sure that phrase works for a guy. Minus 2.

Justin-Bobby arrives with Kristin - clean shaven, with his shirt buttoned all the way up, wearing suspenders - then slow dances and makes out with her. Who slow dances at a club? What is this, Laguna Beach senior prom? Minus 9.

OMFG is Justin-Bobby really wearing a sparkly, motorcycle helmet?!? He is. Minus 6.

Finally, the quote of the night goes to Casey Patridge: "Justin's a douche." Close second? Jayde Nicole, re: Kristin: "Omigod I can't stand her!" Plus 12.

TOTAL: +11! SEASON TOTAL: +20! The Hills can annoy the crap out of you sometimes, and may be totally scripted, but man, this show still entertains.

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I seriously miss Lauren! Am sorry who's Kristin? 'don care though

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That was the worse episode. I was shocked it finished when it did cos it never really picked up from the previous week. A whole bunch of nothing. Not gonna lie will still tune in. lol. But come on MTV.

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the hills is seriously rocking this :)

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whats happened with lauren?
and i thought it was only on monday to thursdays?

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oh hills drama

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hills drama is like crack

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This show is over! Lo needs her own show! she's just all kinds of awesome!

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I hate that l .c is no longeq in the show

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COKE HEAD HILLS KRISTEN ====WANNABE LAUREN>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> SHE IS A STANKY prostitude_ SOOOOOOO DIRTY TOO. ewwwwwwwww

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Kristen is a slutttt.... she screwed justin bc she always does any dude first time around.......................yuck She is a sleeze ball... hate her!!!!