Who the frick is Kari Ann Peniche and how in the hell did she wind up in a video with a nude Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart? This is a question for the ages.
We've tried our best to answer it below.
Long before the Eric Dane sex tape, the "quality hang" of the Grey's Anatomy star and his wife had a past that can be called troubled and intriguing.
And hard to keep straight.
Whatever you call it, the reality TV-starring, bikini-designing, Playboy-modeling, former Aaron Carter fiancee and Miss Teen USA let people down.
"We are disappointed," her mother Lee Ann Peniche told E! News. "She's 25 years old and she has made some poor choices. Things always came very easy for Kari. She is upset. I am certain she is being coached to keep her chin up."
Just not her clothes on.
To hear her mom tell it, Kari Ann Peniche's upbringing was normal.
Kari Ann Peniche was stripped of her beauty crown for posing nude.
"She played soccer all the way to her senior year in high school and was a cheerleader. She went to a small Lutheran school. She was just an amazing person," Lee Ann said. "Growing up, this was a young lady who had a wonderful life."
Not to hear her tell it. Last year, Kari Ann told Steppin' Out magazine that she was molested by a neighbor as a child, then raped by a stranger at 13.
Four years later, Kari Ann Peniche said she was raped a second time on a modeling assignment in Korea. Afterward, she "woke up behind a dumpster."
Her mom's take? That's BS."I don't know anything about that," Lee Ann said. "I can assure you Kari lived a good life. She was raised well. That type of story I strongly question."
One terrible story she absolutely does not question, however, is the severe domestic abuse Kari Ann Peniche suffered at the hands of an ex-boyfriend.
Peniche told Steppin' Out that she entered into an troubled relationship with a Los Angeles doctor at age 19, after being introduced to him by her mom.
"In the beginning it was great," the troubled model reflected. "But the last seven months turned really, really bad. It ended up with the Santa Barbara police breaking down a hotel door to find me lying in a pool of my own blood."
Kari Ann eventually filed charges against the man, whom she blames for introducing her to heroin and cocaine (which landed her on VH1's Celebrity Rehab).
The incident took place after then-20-year-old Kari Ann was crowned Miss Teen USA, a title she was stripped of after she decided to pose nude for Playboy.
With the scandal and abusive relationship behind her, she returned to L.A. That's when she became "dear friends" with Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart.
And found herself in a relationship with Nick Carter. Yes, Nick. After her relationship of several months came to an end, an unlikely suitor came next.
"I don't know what Aaron was doing," Kari Ann told E! News of her engagement to Aaron Carter. "We were just friends, and I hadn't seen him in a year and a half, and I met him on a Thursday and he proposes to me on Saturday."
Days later, the couple wisely called off their engagement and as recently as last year, Kari Ann seemed content to follow a new career path: fashion design.
However, Kari Ann Peniche couldn't quite kick her drug habit and this year agreed to participate (alongside Mindy McCready, as it happens) in Celebrity Rehab.
As for what may come of Kari Ann's latest scandal, while her mother says that her "only concern is for her daughter," she's not holding out hope that she'll come home.
"We are a really normal family up here. We are all very close, but you have times in your life when you are close and right now Kari is doing something very different from us. She's a grown woman and I have tried, but there's no way to get her back."
At least she can download the sex tape. Er, sorry, "nude tape."