Osama bin Laden to Whitney Houston: I Will Always Love You

As frightening as it must've been for Joe Dimaggio to hear that Tom Cruise was stalking him, the Yankee Clipper is probably looking down from heaven now and thinking:

At least it wasn't Osama bin Laden.

Unfortunately for Whitney Houston, she can't say the same thing. According to Osama Bin Laden's concubine - yes, you read that correctly - the world's most wanted man has had a long-time fixation on Houston. He was willing to go to great lengths to win her heart.

Fortunately, Kevin Costner stepped in and protected his employer. Just kidding.

However, Kola Boof, a Sudanese poet and novelist, is dead serious in her book, "Diary of a Lost Girl." She said that Bin Laden deemed Houston "the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen." The terroist mastermind also agreed that Paris Hilton was the most overrated.

But, seriously, folks, Osama said "he wanted to give [her] a mansion that he owned in a suburb of Khartoum" and that to nab the diva, "he would be willing to break his color rule and make her one of his wives."

Take notes from bin Laden, fellas: love is all about compromise.

Whitney's husband, Bobby Brown, better watch his back, though. Boof says Osama believed that Whitney had been "brainwashed by American culture and by her husband." She said bin Laden wanted to have Brown killed.

Don't go thinking you're all special, though, Bobby. The same is pretty much true for 250 million other Americans.