Walmart has totally betrayed their target demographic.
Don't worry -- they still say "Merry Christmas," in case for one fleeting moment you forgot about every year's biggest holiday.
But they have banned a Texas woman who was riding around their stoor in a cart, drinking wine from a Pringles can.
Police were called to a Walmart in Wichita, Kansas.
A woman was reportedly riding in circles around the Wal-Mart parking lot in an electric cart.
She did this for several hours on Friday.
What really makes her so memorable is that, during her escapades in the parking lot, she was drinking white.
Her wine vessel of choice?
A Pringles can.
Drinking wine out of a Pringles can is your right as an American if you're in your own home, over 21, and not on probation.
This woman was doing circles in a parking lot while drinking.
An electric cart may not be the same thing as a car, but it's best to not drive anything while impaired by alcohol, you know?
Police arrived and tracked her down in a nearby restaurant.
Upon finding her, they instructed her to not return to the Walmart.
The woman was not arrested.
The reason that we cannot get more specific about her identity than Texas Woman is because her name was not released.
In case you were imagining this going down in the wee hours, think again.
The police received the call about the woman at about 9am on Friday morning.
She was up before dawn, circling the parking lot and drinking her, uh, breakfast.
Hey, it's the most important meal of the day, right?
No one was hurt and this is, on multiple levels, an objectively funny story.
There is something to be said about the perils of alcoholism and how it is normalized in our culture.
If this woman had been doing lines of coke in the Walmart parking lot, it would have set off alarm bells.
(Also, she would have been super arrested)
But because she was drinking wine, we sort of laugh this off and collectively hope that this was a temporary lapse and not part of a pattern.
Realistically, though, anyone who who is chugging wine out of a Pringles can while doing laps in a scooter probably has a few issues to work out.
Maybe the biggest actual shock in all of this was that Pringles cans are so water-tight that they can contain liquids for drinking.
Apparently, they are.
It makes sense, because you wouldn't want your chips getting soggy or your non-chips getting greasy.
And that knowledge also explains why YouTube has so, so many tutorials on how to turn a Pringles can into a bong.
There truly is no limit to human ingenuity.