Tragically, despite the three conditions she recently listed in order to consider the gig, Amy Schumer will NOT be the next Bachelorette on ABC.
But she may be a Real Housewife on Bravo!
The comedian has filmed an awesomely fake audition for everyone's favorite wine-throwing franchise, saying she'd make an ideal cast member for a number of reasons:
"I'm all of those things. I'm real. I'm in the house a lot. I am not a wife, but I have had sex with a lot of married people."
Schumer is also willing to move anywhere for the gig (Secaucus, Newark, Cincinnati...) and has come up with a couple of personal taglines. To wit:
"I don't need a man, but I want one. Any one."
We already know Schumer is willing to kiss a woman, so she'd fit right in to this headline-making series.
Give her a call today, Bravo! DO IT!!!!!