Oh, Honey ...
Jenelle Evans ... well, bless her heart, she's never been the brightest crayon in the box, you know?
And that's fine, really! People can be smart in different ways, intelligence isn't the most important attribute, so on and so forth.
But when someone is responsible for a child's education, you just kind of hope there's a little something more going on upstairs than what Jenelle has.
Like, Jenelle thinks "dramastic" is a word.
She once shared a picture of some food at a restaurant and said that it was the appetizer she was enjoying before her "on-tray" arrived.
After Jace was born, when he was still a tiny, tiny little baby, she called him "clingy" and assumed that she'd still be able to go out at night at party because he'd be sleeping.
This girl had to spend a weekend in jail and she actually honestly believed that she could explain to her lawyer that she had tickets for a Kesha concert that weekend and that he could get her out of it.
Bless This Mess
If you look at every guy she ever dated, every scene from every episode of every season of Teen Mom 2, her entire history on social media ... there are just countless examples of how dim Jenelle is, and that's a fact.
But no, she's good to homeschool her stepdaughter. For sure. Why not, right?
Jenelle revealed this awful news in a tweet she shared during her latest feud with Kailyn Lowry.
"While you’re over here podcasting away, tweeting pure bullshit about me, or posting #FakeNews.. I’ll be over here homeschooling my stepdaughter and minding my business," she wrote.
Lots of people were quick to call her out on how terrible that little tidbit was, including Kailyn herself, who tweeted "Is her stepdaughter sitting 'a crossed' from her at the table?"
Although Jenelle's own intelligence is enough to cause concern, there are lots and lots of other reasons why Maryssa being homeschooled is a terrible idea.
One of them is that the Eason swamp is so isolated already, enough that there have been reports that MTV crew members are kind of scared to go out there with just Jenelle, David, and all their guns and outrage.
Another is that David seems to be going off the rails these days, even more than usual. He's been making lots of homophobic remarks lately and going off about white pride.
David is Awful, Part 14,985
And according to a new report from Radar Online, David's bigotry is what made them decide to pull Maryssa out of her real school in the first place.
Dang It, David
“Someone at her school was apparently dressing, or dresses, like a girl,” a source told the website.
What a Jackass
It's unclear if this person is transgender or just wears whatever they want to wear, but for David, it doesn't matter -- apparently he "said something to the school staff" about it, but "they said they couldn’t do anything about it.”
This was a private school, and David pulled her out and tried to enroll her in a different private school, but he wasn't able to do that because they don't live in the right school zone.
“She would have to go to the public school for their address, which David feels she’s too good for," the insider explained.
... For Real?
And so now Maryssa is officially the one and only student at Jenelle's Swamp Academy for Doomed Girls, or, as she officially named it, the West Croft Leadership Academy.
She's also on Twitter letting everyone know what a great teacher she's going to be.
A Real Disaster
First, she responded to some haters gossiping about the news, telling them "You have NO IDEA why she was pull out of school. Don’t want to put anyone on blast either."
Except now it seems like we do know "why she was pull out of school," and also, doesn't Jenelle's grammar here make you so psyched for Maryssa's future?
Someone else told her "you of all people shouldn't be homeschooling," and guys ... her response is the most Jenelle response of all time.
"Myself of all people have went to Early College High School, graduated HS early after having Jace, went back to college and graduated medical school, finished Scuba certification, CPR class, Nitrox Scuba Class, uhmmmm.... so you were saying?!" she tweeted.
First of all, "myself of all people." MYSELF OF ALL PEOPLE.
"If I Can't Scuba, Then What's This All Been About?"
Second of all, there she goes again, acting like getting certified to go scuba diving is some huge accomplishment that proves her superior intellect, and like completing a CPR class isn't something any kid can do on a Saturday afternoon.
Third of all, and this is really the most beautiful part of all this, Jenelle is actually out here saying that she "graduated medical school." Can you even stand it?
Come On Now
People who graduated medical school are called doctors. Jenelle graduated from the medical assistant program at a technical school. She also failed the licensing exam and never retook it, so she can't even use that certification right now.
Be Better, Jenelle
Is there anything wrong with being a medical assistant? Of course not. But is there something wrong with someone who went to school to be a medical assistant saying she went to medical school and using that as justification to ruin a kid's education? Yep.
Sorry About It
And you know nobody was here for that nonsense.
"So because you have a degree you haven’t pursued in 4 years+, are a certified snorkeler and you can perform cpr on a doll, YOU are going to give that girl the best chance at an education?" one of her followers asked.
Anybody Can Do It!
A more sarcastic follower mocked her with "Had done went down the road there and done got myself scuba certified & now imma teach the 6th grade, y’all."
"Nitrox scuba class is $99.95," another person pointed out. "My wonder is if you've ever passed a conceal and carry course."
To Sum It All Up ...
As someone else accurately summarized her ridiculous tweet, "Sooooo, what you’re saying is you’re a scuba diving doctor who can perform CPR. Ok."