Fifty Shades Freed: Check Out the Dumbest Moments (So Far)!

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Question: have you ever really sat back and really thought about how blessed we are to be alive right now?

Sure, there are tons and tons of terrible things happening all around the world, but unfortunately that's usually the case.

You can spend your time focusing on all the negatives, or you can choose to be a little more optimistic and think about all the truly great things happening around us, right at this very moment.

For instance, technology is pretty cool, right? And there have been so many advancements that have made it possible for us to do more, see more, experience more ...

Also, just look at it this way: we're are the only people in the history of the world who get to experience the phenomenon that is Fifty Shades of Grey as it happens.

Future generations will be able to read the books and watch the movies, but will they get to wait anxiously for the next movie to hit theaters?

Will they, as we all surely do, remember where they were when they saw the last first trailer for a Fifty Shades film?

No. We alone have that pleasure.

So keep that in mind as we take a good, hard look at the latest Fifty Shades Freed teaser, you lucky, lucky souls.

Because if a Fifty Shades teaser doesn't deserve this kind of analyzing, then for real, what does?

1. Anastasia's Wedding Dress!

Anastasia's Wedding Dress!
Look at it, look at it! That's the dress Anastasia will wear when she becomes Mrs. Christian Grey. And it's hanging from the ceiling because ... well, that's just what rich people do, right?

2. Sneaky Hands!

Sneaky Hands!
We all know it wouldn't be Fifty Shades without some sexy times, and this little snippet from the teaser certainly doesn't disappoint! Because hey, who DOESN'T like it when their significant other waltzes up while you're trying to get dressed to slide his hand up your butt?!


In this little moment, we learn that Christian Grey is so hot that when you see him strutting on the beach, you're required to take off your sunglasses. Out of respect, probably, but also because why would you want anything to obstruct that view?

4. The Exchanging of the Rings

The Exchanging of the Rings
... Are we seriously supposed to believe that this is the wedding ring Christian would choose? Really? After seeing his helicopters and cars and homes and his vast collection of luxury butt toys, we're supposed to think this fits his aesthetic?

5. The Ever-Surprised Anastasia

The Ever-Surprised Anastasia
This is cute, because this is that classic moment in every relationship where one partner learns that the other owns a private jet. Who can't relate?!

6. Sexy Sex Toys

Sexy Sex Toys
... What is that, a wooden spoon? Seems like Anastasia is kind of overselling this bit.

7. Mrs. Grey in Danger!

Mrs. Grey in Danger!
Here's the part where Ana's former boss crosses the line (again). See, he's obsessed with her because ... uh, because reasons.

8. Not a Gun!!!

Not a Gun!!!
Here's where Ana finds out that Christian owns a gun and is just simply flabbergasted. Because why would he own a gun? He's super paranoid, has massive amounts of security at all times, knows that a variety of unstable people are after them pretty often ... WHY WOULD HE OWN A GUN?!

9. About That Gun ...

About That Gun ...
Just look at that technique! Anastasia here is obviously so comfortable with firearms at this point that she is able to shoot with her eyes shut. That's instinct, you can't teach that.

Wait! There's more! Just click "Next" below:

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