90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After? continues with Season 5, Episode 12.
Angela and Michael pick up her friend, but things quickly fall apart and Angela once again explodes at her husband-to-be.
Elizabeth and Andrei take their families on a group trip.
Kalani and Asuelu had a huge fight that leaves Kalani feeling done with her marriage.
Larissa goes to a surgery consultation for her boob job … but reveals that she wants so much more than implants.
Karine talks with a lawyer about her rights, and Paul’s extreme reaction drives Karine to tears.
And Colt’s lies catch up with them, as Jess reveals that she knows that he’s been sending out dong pics to other women.
Angela Deem and Michael Ilesanmi
Having received Michael’s mother’s blessing, he and Angela are moving forward with this ill-advised wedding. Today, they pick out the flowers.
Angela misses her own family
The absence of so many of her loved ones is an emotional bludgeon that she is using to continue to get her way. In this case, by having the colors of her family’s birthstones represented in the flower arrangements and the bouquet. This will cost more . . . but Michael eventually agrees.
He just wants her to be happy
Michael has learned by now that arguing with Angela won’t do any good. In this case, though, going along with what she wants is a genuinely sweet gesture.
This is very sweet
If we had not all watched the way that she speaks to him — her words harsh, her tone full of venom, her face a mask of toxicity — it would have been even more touching.
They have a wedding guest to pick up
They travel to the airport, with Angela smoking in the car like it’s The Purge. Her family could not make it. Her mom is sick. One daughter is in prison for child molestation. Another daughter simply chose to not come because she does not support this marriage. So she’s picking up her friend, Jojo.
They welcome Jojo to Nigeria
Jojo is very complimentary upon her arrival. She is the first person from Angela’s life to actually meet Michael.
They have a shared party
Angela and Michael are having a joint Bachelor/Bachelorette party. Angela explains that this is, frankly, because she doesn’t trust Michael — to what, not cheat on her? Literally why would you marry someone whom you suspect will cheat on you? Whatever.
Their party is at a club
Angela is immediately furious at the sight of … fully dressed women at the club. In her mind, these are strippers. No judgment, but if they’re strippers, they’re not exactly matching their job descriptions.
They get all dressed up
Angela makes sure that she’s not the only one wearing a dong crown. It seems as if, for one moment, she can be nice to Michael for an extended period of time. That peace is short-lived, however.
As always, Angela changes like she’s flipped a switch
Being a deeply toxic person, Angela’s emotions switch to absolute fury at the drop of a hat — or an imagined one. Angela decides that she has caught Michael seeing one of the (fully clothed) dancing women, and this sets her off.
She storms off
She is sure to make some scathing remarks. Honestly, watching Angela’s behavior is like reading a manual on what emotional abuse can look like. Keeping victims — in this case, Michael — on their toes, always afraid of making you angry, often wondering what “they” did to set you off and eager to do anything to calm you.
She has to explain to Michael what “he did”
Michael’s crime of having eyes is apparently one that cannot be forgiven, and Angela refuses to hear his protestations of innocense.
At least, in his heart, Michael knows that he did nothing wrong
But he still seems prepared to go through with the wedding … assuming that Angela even still wants to get married. (She does, in fact, still want to get married)
Elizabeth Potthast and Andrei Castravet
They are taking a joint family outing to see the Moldovan countryside and to make wine … though apparently some folks have some questions on that front.
Jenn asks if they’ll be able to drink the wine
Andrei has to explain to her that no, when you crush grapes, the result is just grape juice.
Elizabeth chimes in
Wine of course takes months — or longer — to ferment into wine. That’s why it’s called wine, not grape juice. I don’t dislike Jenn at all but it’s a little surprising to hear these questions from an adult and not from, say, an 8-year-old child, whose ignorance on the topic would make sense. Like … did nobody else learn about winemaking from asking their parents when they watched Fantasia as a child?
Now, they’re learning hands-on … or feet-on
The Potthast ladies try to multitask, stomping grapes while submitting photos for their wikifeet pages (kidding) and having a good time.
Even Andrei and Charlie have a good time
The guys nearly came to blows just days earlier, but now they’re smashing grapes like nobody’s business. But while Charlie had a good time, the Potthast family still has their ridiculous “why did Andrei leave Moldova” storyline to pursue
They chat with Marcel
He says that Andrei was hit with corruption charges when he was a police officer in Moldova, and put under pressure by shady people.
He had to leave or face worse trouble
Jenn seems surprised that police “in Moldova” break the law. This happens in the US, too.
Marcel gives some very good advice
If they really want to know more, they should talk to Andrei about it — maybe in a non-accusatory manner.
Larissa Lima and Eric Nichols
Larissa is en route to her consultation with a plastic surgeon. She wants her breasts lifted and enlarged and she wants a nosejob. Eric is baffled but supportive.
In fact, he’s an accomplice
Larissa has somehow talked him into loaning her the money to get this work done. To be honest, we don’t know if this is true or if it’s just an explanation concocted for the show, but whatever.
Larissa has some serious body issues
We covered this in detail last week after we showed you the sneak peek, but let’s go through it again — she tells the surgeon that she wants her boobs to look big, round, and deeply fake.
WHAT
It’s possible that something is getting lost in translation here, but Larissa says that she wants to look like a blowup dolls, and holds them up as her ideal of beauty. Honestly … a lot of fans can’t help but wonder if this is leftover psychological damage from her marriage to Colt, the sex fiend.
They have her try on samples to see what she’ll look like
The doctor actually has to talk her down from going bigger than this. She is planning on getting some very large implants. But hey, it’s her flesh prison and she can do what she wants with it.
She has more planned
While out shopping for lingerie, Larissa confesses to Eric that she also wants to get extensive liposuction done. Oh no.
Will it never stop?
Larissa says that, when she looks like this mannequin, she will stop getting work done. Eric buys her three pairs of underwear. We hope that Larissa gets the therapy that she sorely needs.
Kalani Faagata and Asuelu Pulaa
Kalani is straight up not having a good time right now, and it’s not just about the bizarre encounter with Asuelu’s mom — the one where Asuelu’s sister almost attacked her.
The show explains
Editors did this for Kalani, explaining what had gone down after the cameras went home, just as producers had promised to do for Deavan Clegg on The Other Way (even though it did not happen). Cards like these provide clarity for the audience and help explain why stars are feeling and acting as they are. In this case, why Kalani is staying at a hotel instead of at the rental where she had been with Asuelu.
Kalani video chats with mom
She is using a tablet that appears designed for children and asks her mom if she has ever had to deal with anything like this.
Kind of, yes
They note that Low came to the US at 12, not 22, so Asuelu had an entire other decade of growing up in a misogynistic culture where women’s opinions can be easily dismissed. Treating Kalani like a person is giving him some culture shock.
Her mom gives some good advice
Right now, what she and the kids need is to go home. Kalani is clearly sleep deprived, which is not doing anyone any favors.
Asuelu came back
He showed up at the hotel, on one knee, with Valentine’s Day flowers and balloons. And yes, it was genuinely on Valentine’s Day. The problem, however, is that Asuelu is trying to act like nothing happened and nothing is wrong.
He resents Kolini
Kolini had commisserated with Kalani, and this prompted Asuelu to feel like she was intruding into his marriage. No, dude, she was just talking with her sister.
They’re going to go to therapy
Kalani has to explain to Asuelu what therapy is. We would like to believe that he simply does not know the English word. But therapy is something that they will tackle after they fly home.
It’s all too much for Kalani
Sleep deprived, angry, sad, and realizing that her husband doesn’t even understand why she is so unhappy, Kalani tells the camera that she is tired of being married. Wow.
Paul Staehle and Karine Martins
Karine and a beautiful, wide-eyed baby Pierre leave the tiny little one-room house.
This is their chance
As Karine explains, Paul isn’t there right now, as he is away with his mother.
This is a milestone for her
This is Karine’s first time leaving that tiny little house without Paul accompanying her. She is nervous, because she’s in an unfamiliar place and because she doesn’t know how Paul will react.
She meets with an attorney
She wants to know her rights. She explains that she has given Paul two months to find a job and that, if he fails, she may want to take Pierre and head back to Brazil.
The answer is mixed
Yes, she can travel to and from Brazil with her current documents. However, Paul’s reaction could negatively impact her because he also has parental rights. Karine explains that she doesn’t want to block Pierre from Paul, but just that she worries about her and her son’s futures in the US with Paul.
Paul returns with plantains
It sounds like he mispronounces what they are, but we are too distracted by the garbage bag windows. Like … she’s spent weeks trapped in this single room with garbage bags on the windows??? Dude, it would cost like one Cameo video’s payout to get some blackout curtains so that Karine can live like a human being.
Karine tells Paul what she did that day
Even though she told him on camera, Paul cannot contain his shock or outrage. First, he suspiciously demands to know how she got there — clearly worried that she has a friend who helped her. She says that she took an Uber by herself. Paul then bombards her with angry threats, essentially warning her that if she ever tries to leave him, he’ll take her to court in the US and in Brazil. We’re guessing that this incident is what prompted Paul to cover every square foot of their next home with security cameras.
It gets worse
Having reduced Karine to tears with his threats, Paul then forces multiple hugs upon her on camera, even when she begs him to stop.
Colt Johnson and Jess Caroline (and Debbie … and Vanessa)
Colt Johnson comes downstairs ready to greet the day … and his roommate.
It’s Vanessa!
The woman about whom he lied to Jess so that he could keep boning her while keeping Vanessa as his friend and former (and future) friend-with-benefits? She’s living with him and Debbie. He hasn’t told Jess, of course. He also hasn’t told her that he was “talking to” other women during his and Jess’ off-and-on drama since the trip to Brazil.
Jess arrives
Colt meets her at a neutral location, a cat cafe. Actually, he meets her outside of it, so that he can take his time hugging her … and it looks like smelling her.
Jess has one hell of a line
How IS his penis? She has good reason to ask, you see.
Jess explains
A lot of girls messaged Jess to let her know that Colt was not only messaging them, he was telling them that he was single … and swapping photos with them. That includes pictures of his penis. This is not new for him — he did the same during his marriage to Larissa, claiming that the marriage was only for TV, so this isn’t a shock to us — but Jess wasn’t expecting it.
He’s such a horndog
Trading nudes is fine. Trading so many nudes that eight of the women (who knows how many there were who DIDN’T reach out to Jess) tell your girlfriend about it, even if you were on a break at the time, is … pushing it. It made Jess wonder if he cares about her.
She has all of the details
Apparently he would send good-morning photos of his penis to these women.
The bigger issue
The problem is that Colt tells lies habitually, and he expects them to always work out for them.
He needs therapy
Jess is … absolutely right. Though in Colt’s case, therapy might just give him more practice convincing people.
Still, she goes home with him
Colt hasn’t told her the big news yet, of course, because, as she said, he lies. Debbie puts on her fakest smile and approaches them with a plate of grapes.
They sit down and have small talk
Debbie is doing her level best to hide how much she loathes Jess for daring to date her precious baby boy, but Jess can’t stand how Colt is acting like their earlier conversation never happened.
She explains it to Debbie
Colt was messaging multiple other women, sending them nudes and claiming to be single.
She has proof
Notably, Jess is NOT offering to show Debbie screenshots of her own son’s penis. We can understand if it sounded that way. Debbie, at Colt’s suggestion, gets up and walks away.
Look!
It wouldn’t have mattered if Debbie saw everything. We suppose that we can’t fault her for seeing her son as the good guy even when he’s not. She’d go along with whatever he told her — that it’s fine because they were on a break, that Jess is exaggerating, that some of these women are faking evidence because they want his attention.
Colt decides to rip off the bandaid
Colt does what he should have done ages ago … and tells Jess that Vanessa is living with him and Debbie. Jess’s broken “no” is all that we get to see of her reaction … until next time.