In case you somehow missed the approximately 20 bajillion jokes on social media, 2016 was a rough year.
We lost far too many beloved entertainers; famous celebrity couples dropped like flies, and the American people decided to give the nuke codes to a Flamin’ Hot Cheeto with a rage-tweeting problem.
Anyway, 2017 has gotta be better, right?
Well, maybe not according to the world’s leading psychics.
Here’s what the best-known crystal ball-gazers have to say about the year to come:
R.I.P. Queen Elizabeth II, Long Live King Charles!
The psychic community believes the Queen will pass on and leave the throne to her eldest son. A fairly safe bet, considering she’ll turn 91 next year.
Oprah Goes Blonde
One in demand palm-reader tells Page Six that Oprah will pull a Kanye and go blonde. Now THERE’S a specific prediction!
Trump Gets Impeached
Several of the world’s top psychics made this guess. Of course, they may be confusing their sixth sense with wishful thinking.
Hillary Clinton: Not Finished Yet!
HRC may be at an age when most folks are thinking retirement, but the psychic community says she’s got at least one major goal left to achieve.
Jimmy Kimmel Might Want to Invest in a Hat
“A monkey who is a guest on his show will pull Jimmy’s hair out,” a psychic who goes by the name Nikki tells the Toronto Sun, “but he will be alright.” Sorry, Jimbo. The stars have spoken.
Pam Anderson’s Love of Animals Will Come Back to Bite Her
Nikki also predicts that Pamela Anderson will be bitten by some sort of wild animal. We’re starting to think Nikki just fantasizes about celebs being attacked by animals.
Brad Pitt Rebounds With … Rihanna?!
This one sounds a little out there, but it comes from John Cohan, the psychic who predicted the Brangelina spilit in 2015. That means, of course … that it still probably won’t happen, but Drizzy might want to stock up on hankies and Visine just in case.
Fushizzle, eh?
Psychics say that Snoop Dogg will move to Canda this year, possibly in response to harsher anti-pot regulations under the Trump administration. Wait a minute, Snoop Dogg smokes pot?!
World War III
And finally, the tarot-flippers say 2017 will see the start of World War III. The easy thing to do is to blame Trump, but we’re gonna shake things up and guess that it has something to do with Snoop moving to Canada. Actually, strike that: We’re blaming Kanye.