Unfortunate names are, well, unfortunate. And hilarious. Here are 49 funny names that are totally real.
Kash Register

Please tell us this man did not get arrested for knocking over a convenience store. Or that this is what he stole. Please.
Jack Mehoff

This guy totally slipped this name past the newscaster, right? This can’t possibly be real?!
Anass Rhammer

This guy drives a cab. Maybe don’t get into his cab if you want to get where you’re going without the delay of a traffic violation.
Airwrecka McBride

1) We hope she’s not a pilot. 2) At least her parents didn’t name her “Homewrecka.”
B.J. Worthy

Wonder if putting this on the real estate signs helps the houses sell faster? “Total Must See!”
Chubby Cox

Well, you know what they say about really tall guys…
David Seaman

If only David were a sailor.
Dickie Head

Not that Dick Head would be any better, but Dickie?
Donald Duck

QUACK!
Velociraptor

These parents win the coolest parents ever award.
Rusty Kuntz

Unfortunate doesn’t begin to describe this.
Dr. Dick L. Ong

We’re at least 87% sure the reason this guy uses his middle initial is the subliminal message his name sends.
Dr. Will Tickel

As opposed to “the doctor will see you now…”
Dr. Dooms

This person’s parents were obviously comic book fans.
Dr. Whet Faartz

Why, oh why, can’t this man be a proctologist??
Flavour Balls

High school prank or real name? Please say evil, super mean prank!
Speed Weed

We’re not sure this is legal in Colorado.
Fuzzy von Stauffenburg

Fuzzy. Von Stauffenburg. Fuzzy stuffed sausages come to mind and we immediately want to barf.
Dick Smothers

Dick Smothers would be a terrible way to die.
Muffin Lord

He’s not just the Muffin MAN. He’s the Muffin LORD. But does he live on Drury Lane?
Cumming Cherry

So many terrible porn jokes here.
Jesus Condom

How many oops babies happened after someone uttered this phrase?
Dr. Doctor

Give us some news!
Tahra Dactyl

Being able to fly would be totally cool.
Lawless Love

Is this the same thing as, like, reckless abandon?
Ivana Mandic

Dr. Dick L. Ong is the doctor for her!
Harry Hole

Brazilian waxing would blow this guy’s mind.
Poprah

The Pope and Oprah’s illegitimate child? Wishful naming on the part of the parents that she’ll either grow up to be the second richest woman in the world or the leader of the Church?
Pickles Dansie

This just brings to mind images of floppy pickles wiggling around.
Joe McCool

ALMOST as cool as Joe Cool. Almost.
Mary Jane Puffer

This is Miley Cyrus’ alias.
Ginger T. Rex

Who knew the Tyrannosaurus was a redhead?
Krystal Ball

Someone put her on MSNBC to predict the future of the economy, STAT!
Schmuck

If only his first name were Poor.
Dick Butz

Dick Butz would get along really well with Anass Rhammer. BFF4LYFE.
Ha Ha Clinton-Dix

Ha Ha. Ha ha ha. Ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha.
Chris P. Bacon

Mmmmm. Bacon.
Jack Goff

Now THIS guy is probably not making up his name just to get on TV.
Jolly Mangina

At least he’s happy about it?
Man With Bizarre Name

Is this Jesus?
The MacDonald-Bergers

The world would be complete if we learned that they chose to hyphenate their last names after the wedding.
Mister Love

Dear Mister Love, that’s not how it works, you jerk. Glad you were arrested.
Patrick Molesti

We’re hoping he’s not wanted for what his name suggests and is, instead, guilty of jaywalking or something.
Peter Ubersechs

This guy knows his way around the bedroom. Or he did. When he was young.
Sue Yoo

No, we’ll sue YOU!
Willie Stroker

Willie Stroker does not have our vote, but…
Young Boozer

Young Boozer definitely does. By a landslide.
North West

YES, she’s adorable. She totally is. But there’s no denying her parents gave her a totally terrible name.
Chuck Norris

No, not THAT Chuck Norris. The other one.