24 Tweets That Totally (and Tragically?) Nail Married Life
by Hilton Hater at .'Til Death Do You Part, huh?
Are you sure about that?
The following Twitter messages may cause you to think twice.
We (mostly) kid, but these jokes and observations do sum up married life pretty darn well.
Scroll through them now and prepare to nod along vigorously if you're a husband or a wife...
1. Get Used To It, Fellas
This is just the way things are... and the way things always will be.
2. How Dare You?!?
I've got a good comeback to that. Just give me a few months to think of it, okay?
3. You Can't Win, Guys
She knows everything. Just agree the first time and you'll be best off. Trust us.
4. Terwdfsnserddsguwep[up
"No, you are the one who needs to grow up!" is what this translates to, it's just that the husband has many gummy bears in his mouth.
5. Parenting. Win.
For us, that is, not so much for the parents whose kid is crying that hard.
6. There are Other Topics of Conversation
But this is the main one, let's be honest.
7. It Ain't 5-Star Dining, Let's Put It That Way
But you'll learn to love mac and cheese, don't worry.
8. This Is Priceless
It's about whether or not you fight. It's about HOW you fight.
9. The Furniture is All a Mystery
Don't question any of it. Just be glad you have a side of the bed, okay?
10. They Were Right There!
I'm not kidding. He would have seen them by merely moving his head, like, three inches.
11. Hot Shower Sex Time!
Just kidding. That will never happen. The best you can hope for is not to scare your wife to death.
12. 50... American Dollars?!?
Whatever. Just buy it if it means we can stop talking now.
13. What Are You Wearing?
That same t-shirt for the sixth day in a row? That you should have thrown out a decade ago? HAWT.
14. The Great Debate
Seriously, DVR is responsible for more divorces in this day and age than infidelity. We're pretty sure that's accurate.
15. Do Not Fall for This, Husbands!
Just accept you can't ever really do what you want. Will be a lot easier that way.
16. Here's the Question:
Do I give him sex in order to keep the Kit Kat thing quiet and eat it all myself? I may need to do so.
17. It's True
But that doesn't mean it can't hurt.
18. Is This Not How It Works?
The clothes do get cleaned. What explanation is there aside from magic?
19. The Man Cold is Real
Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, ladies.
20. I Can't Do Anything Right!
It's almost like she wants the squirrels to be homeless!
21. What Did We Even Exchange Vows?
Was "warm up my vehicle every morning" not included?!? (Wait, was it not? Darn!)
22. There Are Maybe Some Other Perks
Like having your car warmed up each morning, if you're one of the lucky ones.
23. The Romance is Alive!
Imagine if you tried to surprise her in the shower with this news.
24. Once You Get Past the Grocery Question, It Comes Down to This...
Until death does you part. Enjoy!
