The Ashley Madison hack has divided the Internet into two camps:
Those who have been exposed as Ashley Madison clients (hi there, Josh Duggar!)… and those who can’t believe Ashley Madison clients actually exists.
Why would anyone put his or her personal information on the Web when seeking a potential cheating partner? Especially when there are so many other things to do on the Web?!?
Off the top of our heads, for example, here are 11 far better ways to spend your time online than signing up for Ashley Madison…
Follow Kim Kardashian on Instagram
We can’t believe we’re saying this either. But you’d be better served ogling a big-breasted woman than trying to go to bed with her.
Watch Television Online
Seriously, EVERYthing is available on the Internet these days. Via Hulu, Amazon or a show’s official website, there’s never been a better time to watch TV online.
Watch Movies Online
See previous slide. Apply to movies.
Take Out a Payday Loan
We don’t recommend this very strongly. But at least an online payday advance will only drain your bank account, not your penis of semen into someone who isn’t your wife.
Play Online Poker
Again, see previous slide for the reason why. Also, make a pun about “poker” as it applies to cheating on your spouse.
Graduate From College
For real. You can get an actual college degree over the World Wide Web. This can help you get a job. Ashley Madison, conversely, can only help you get a blow… nevermind.
Play Fantasy Football
Trust us. Deciding between Dez Bryant and Julio Jones is a much safer fantasy than deciding between whips and chains. Plus, think about the clever Tom Brady-themed team names you could come up with this year.
YouTube Some Cat Videos
Perhaps you haven’t heard, but cats rule the Internet. Some are hilariously Grumpy. Some play the keyboard! There are tons of funny felines out there!
Read The Onion
It’s hilarious.
Pay Your Bills
They do say that most marriages end for financial reasons. Either that, or one half of the couple is caught on Ashley Madison.
Watch Porn
You know, like a regular person.