Tucker Carlson Unplugged 37997

What You Didn't Know About The Little Man With Silly Ties And Even Sillier Ideas

It’s been a busy past couple of days for political pundit Tucker Carlson. Between bragging about beating up a grabby gay in a men’s bathroom stall, apologizing for it profusely and then totally trying to take it back, Carlson’s been running around in circles as of late, trying to appease the throngs of knee-jerk liberals who apparently took his gay-bashing comments way out of context.

But what most people forget is that Tucker Carlson has been afflicted with incurable foot-in-mouth disease long before he was ever mentally “accosted” by a same-sex bathroom dweller. So in honor of his latest controversy, we’ve gone back into the archives of time (by which we mean past issues of Cable Quotables”) and rounded up a sampling of some of his most memorable remarks in a segment we’re calling, “Best Of The Bow-Tie: Tucker Carlson’s Greatest Hits.”

And if you think Carlson hates gays, you don’t even want to get him started on how he feels about fat people. The complete list, after the jump.

Okay, fine so we lied. In the interest of time (and salvaging the remainder of our afternoon) this is actually going to be more like an brief overview than a comprehensive list of Carlson’s most “poignant” recent quotations. [Ed: Also, all this heavy reading kind of has us feeling all “Tuckered” out.] But allow us to present the pick of the TC litter, painstakingly compiled over this past month and half of Cable Quotables and reproduced for you now, in all its amazing reverse-chronological glory. Enjoy!

• “You only get to choose when it comes to killing your kids, but no other choices for you.” Tucker Carlson, giving parenting tips to Nancy Grace, Tucker, August 24

• “Come on, I would bet my house that fat people are, in fact, discriminated against. Of course they are. Everyone looks down on fat people.” Tucker Carlson, hating on Santa, Barney and Jay McCarroll, Tucker, August 6

• “Talk to—have an honest conversation with anybody who has gone on a radical vegetarian diet, and they will tell you they have to remind themselves that sex exists.” —Tucker Carlson, on why he???ll never go vegan, Tucker, July 31

• “Actually I???m going to reveal myself as kind of a sicko. I think the Speaker of the House is kind of a handsome woman. With that, we???re going to end that before I get myself in trouble. Thank you very much. It???s great to see you.” Tucker Carlson, revealing his one-sided love affair with Nancy Pelosi, Tucker, July 27

• “If you???re going to ban smoking, why not ban fat people in movies and on television?” Tucker Carlson, evidently unconcerned with pissing off Richard Simmons and Perez Hilton, Tucker, July 26″

• “A crime so minor that it???s not even ??? I mean, you have to remind yourself that it is a crime. So if he double-parked or went into a handicapped zone, would he be apologizing to the American people?” Tucker Carlson, comparing sex with a prostitute to a minor traffic violation, MSNBC Live, July 16

• “I???m not coming out for marijuana, but I will say that the one thing that actually is true, a stoner never hurt anyone. I mean, they really are kind of ??? they???re not like your average drunk.” Tucker Carlson, planning Nicole Richie???s defense strategy, Tucker, July 10

And, of course, our own personal favorite:

• “I don???t know a single group of people with weirder sex lives than people who work in television.” Tucker Carlson, ostensibly speaking from personal experience, MSNBC Live with Dan Abrams, July 10

Spoken like a true prophet.

Aug 30, 2007 · Link · Repond
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