• Eva Longoria is officially a desperate housewife.
• Ever wonder how many summer cocktails you can comfortable fit on Janet Jackson’s rump? Well, turns out it’s only three. Crazy, we know. We had eleven in our office pool.
• Drew Barrymore to become the newest Gucci girl. Upcoming: Barrymore to tarnish Gucci’s fashion-forward reputation by making out with awkward hipster Zach Braff.
• Eva Mendes reminds us that is still possible to look hot in a bikini without being grossly underweight.
• Meanwhile, is it sad that we’re super jealous of Kerri Russell’s post-baby weight?
• Kelly Clarkson may be chubby. Then again, maybe she’s freakishly normal and society has warped our innocent littel minds with its impossible standards of weight and beauty. Either way, her music sucks.
• Lindsay Lohan’s accidentally exposes her right nipple after her new boyfriend intentionally gropes her giant breasts.
• Christina Ricci got into character for Black Snake Moan by prancing around in the buff and looking seductively at Justin Timberlake.
• The reviews are in, and Waitress just may be the best only thing that’s happened to Kerri Russell since Felicity.
• Jessica Alba, bringing wet-sand-sticking-to-her-ass back.