• Paris Hilton’s kinkajou may be delivered from starlet hell sooner than we thought. Turns out keeping the little guy is illegal in both California and New York and now PETA has joined in the “Free Baby Luv” movement. [NYP]
• How to pick up waitresses, by Tommy Lee: Stiff ‘em when it’s tip time, have them race to a roadie for compensation and offer them “compensation” of pot and partying with the tattooed tightwad. So far, no takers. [Lowdown]
• Extra’s Mark McGrath has an original approach to getting exclusives on Pam Anderson: shack up with her. One glitch: If size matters, Tommy Lee definitely has him beat. [Page Six]
• Canned Desperate Housewives actor Page Kennedy is refuting rumors he got dumped for exposing himself on the set. Apparently such a reputation is damaging. [Sun-Times]
• Page Six isn’t making friends with its Peter Braunstein coverage, getting rape victim advocacy groups in a tizzy over their near reveal of his victim’s identity. But hey, Peter Braunstein’s not making us friends either. [NYDN]
• Heidi Fleiss is getting back to her roots, only this time she’ll be whoring out men to an all-female clientele. In Vegas. [People]
• The good news: Someone actually doesn’t want to party with Jessica Simpson! The bad news: It’s her TV husband Nick Lachey. To the despair of OK! Magazine, Lachey nixed a big birthday blowout, opting instead for a quiet dinner. [The Scoop]
• Brittany Murphy’s stairwell cater waiter tryst didn’t sit well with her agent at ICM or her manager — so they both dumped her. [Radar]
• Not that Julie Blackman did her job as a jury consultant, but she feels she’s still entitled to $74,000 in unpaid legal bills from Martha Stewart. [NYDN]