Today, Jossip celebrates its fourth wonderful year of existence. In honor of this momentous occasion, each editor has come up with a list of goals/achievements he/she hopes to have accomplished by the time Jossip turns five. First up: Debbie Newman.
By this time next year, I will have….
1. Interviewed Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Mitt Romney and Rudy Giuliani, and told Dennis Kucinich’s publicist, “Yeah, this probably isn’t going to happen,” referring simultaneously to both the presidency and the interview.
2. Finally stopped introducing David as “my sort-of boss.”
3. Admitted that my quality of writing is inversely proportional to the amount of alcohol I’ve consumed the night before.
4. Found a way to hand out my business card without saying “They’re pink. And scented. I think it gives them a little something extra.”
5. Laughed, and said, “Hey, remember Jossip’s 4th birthday? Yeah…that was kinda lame.”
6. Stopped posting innocuous event write-ups that inexplicably cause publicist Serena Torrey to say things like, “If you…had any sense of the difference between a tongue-in-cheek party report and a nonsensical and ill-informed diatribe, we???d have something to discuss” and “Please steer clear of all New York magazine events in the future. We???ll help you.”
7. Learned to keep my “secret” crushes to myself instead of publicly broadcasting them under the guise of anonymity.
8. Discontinued the practice of flirting with the salad guy in a shameless attempt to procure unlimited toppings and a double serving of shitake mushrooms.
9. Stopped name-dropping Intern Joe and divulging embarrassing details about his personal life.
10. Finally mastered the art of the spam filter.
11. Crashed another Ed2010 event and had another amazing altercation with Bonnie Fuller.
12. Discovered how to write about Fashion Week without referring to it as a “peculiar tradition that draws celebrities, editors and photographers in droves and teaches perfectly healthy women to covet unwearable clothes and hate their bodies.”
13. Found a way to showcase my encyclopedic knowledge of grammar in a cool bar setting, sort of like the way Matt Damon does with the evolution of the market economy in the southern colonies in Good Will Hunting, only more boring.
14. Stopped coming up with so many list-oriented features.
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