Elisabeth Hasselbeck has been interrupting every conversation on The View that’s remotely related to childbirth, child rearing, and milk to talk about her own pregnancy.
Now, she’s continuing the marathon in the pages of Fitness, but not before she slims down and poses in a bikini for the cover.
Except given that a monthly like Fitness needs to ship two to three months ahead of time, and given that Hasselbeck gave birth six months ago, that either means these photos were snapped : 1) three months ago, which is a J-Lo amount of time to slim down, but still doable; 2) before she got pregnant, misleading readers about the whole possibility of slimming down post-pregnancy; or 3) three months ago, and went through a heavy dose of Photoshopping.
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Breaking, and by breaking, we don’t mean Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant breaking. This is much more important and interesting than that.
All those calories you think you’re burning off at the gym, well, that’s a lie. To be honest, we always had our doubts that doing the elliptical while watching Deal Or No Deal had any health benefit.
Now our suspicions have been confirmed by no greater source than the New York Times:
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Remember when we predicted that Conscience of a Conservative would claw its way to the coveted #1 spot of the Times‘ “Most Emailed” list? Well, clearly we underestimated the public’s unabashed interest in a man whose life was ruined by popcorn, which is holding steady at the top spot. Frankly, however, we’re not sure what all the hullabaloo is about. Did anyone seriously think an all-popcorn diet was the way to go?
Seriously??
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Thinking about hitting the gym after work today? So are we! In fact, in an uncharacteristically proactive (and pro-Cardio) move, we actually packed ourselves a nice little gym bag today, complete with those overpriced ass-slimming pants we bought on Monday night instead of watching Victoria Beckham’s sleep-inducing foray into reality tv (or, you know, actually working out).
However, like always, our motivation to hit the treadmill started to trickle off sometime between lunch and our mid-afternoon snack, and we found ourselves preemptively coming up with the obligatory pre-workout excuses (like “it’s too hot!” and “But Wednesday’s So You Think You Can Dance night”) to justify spending another evening rotting on the couch and prancing around the apartment in skinny yoga pants.
But that was before we saw this.
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Today in, ew, are you honestly for real? news, dirty yoga mats are disgusting, nasty, and can likely leave you with some grungy foot disease or skin rash. Which is not as well reported as the recent epidemic of “foot in mouth disease” but is still, according to the Styles section, a very important topic.
Reporter Abby Ellin interviewed doctors and yoga practitioners, and even a yoga studio or two, to uncover the real dangers of the communal aspects of yoga. According to the Times article, one Long Island podiatrist has seen a 50 percent spike in athletes foot and planter’s warts (bet that chocolate croissant is tasting yummy right about now!) and he blames dirty exercise mats. (Not as bad as what Lindsay Lohan‘s Long Island gyno has seen … but that’s not the point.)
If the thought of putting your face on a yoga mat where some guy’s sweaty crotch touched doesn’t make your cringe, consider the concept of “BYOYM” is not only economical, but could also save your foot from falling off.
Yet, people don’t think about these things. The yoga mat doesn’t go with the new Balenciaga, so on and so forth. So, you’d think these yoga center could just have the decency to keep non infected mats around for those who don’t care to lug their own all over town.
???????Every night we clean the mats with an antibacterial yoga spray??????? and hang them to dry, Ms. Lobo said. ???????Weekends, we put them in the washing machines with Dr. Bronner????????s Soap. It????????s a lot of manual labor.???????
So, Ms. Lobo can stand on her head for 18 hours, wrap her legs behind her neck, fast for two days a month … but the manual labor of washing yoga mats? Now, there’s the real work-out. Fuck, who even needs yoga? Just volunteer to wash the mats and you’ll be looking like Gisele in no time.
Communal Yoga Mats: Beware of Germs [Abby Ellin, New York Times]
We are getting a little nervous. Mostly because (you all know) we love Entourage. It is not just some ploy to give the show lots of press so that maybe we can meet Adrian Grenier and make-out with him. We swear! But, as a rule, every time a show, movie, blog, anything gets crazy over promoted, well, it usually means bad news is close behind.
Uh, hello, didn’t Vince Chase himself teach us that with his reservations about Aquaman? Well, we don’t have time for a full-out Entourage analysis (there are nerdier websites for that shit) we would like to use this platform to express our concern for the complete ho-out of our show.
First, there was this weird “be Ari Gold’s assistant” posting. And we’re sure none of you could dream of anything better than being Jeremy Piven‘s bitch, we just really don’t get the point of the fake application. (Yes, we filled it out … nothing happened.) But, HBO didn’t stop there. Oh, no. Now, they want their viewers to join gyms and work out while they watch the show.
As part of its plan to promote the third season of Entourage and the DVD release of season 2 … New York Sports Clubs will air season 2 of Entourage over the health club’s private TV network.
During the week leading up to the premiere, 97 New York Sports Clubs put ???????Watch while you work out??????? cardio cards on the top of all the equipment, letting its 300,000 members know they can access season 2 on a special channel on the TV screens affixed to treadmills, bikes and other exercise machines. In addition, about one third of the TV screens suspended around the facilities also play the season 2 loop of episodes.
Again, we don’t understand. Season two was great and all, but all the cardio in the world won’t make up for missing Gary Buse and his crazy ass monologue.
HBO, Zoom to Run Entourage in Health Clubs [Katy Bachman, Mediaweek]
Today, the New York Times again tackles their favorite subject — the gym. Can you pick somebody up at the gym? Some say no. Unlike the Jane Fonda thong and Jon Travolta crotch huggers gym days of the 80’s, today’s gym members are chubbier, older, and too stressed out to have a sex drive.
But, others are more optimistic about meeting their dream guy or gal on the rowing machine. Hey, it happened to Miranda Hobbes and that hottie from her workout world.
“You can find similar people, whether they’re in the same income bracket or time schedule or a healthy person,” Ms. Brown said. “It’s not a bad place to meet someone. It just doesn’t happen very much.”
A gym can be a good outlet to meet someone “because there’s no alcohol involved,” said Brooke Temner, 26, a beauty publicist who belongs to a Crunch gym on the East Side of Manhattan.
No alcohol involved? Wait, wouldn’t that explain why it’s a bad place to meet someone. We bet back in the day (when people hooked up on the bench press) Jane had a few g+ts before getting herself into some of those positions … not mention the outfits.
Don’t Hit on Me, Mr. Goodbody [Melena Ryzik, New York Times]
A couple weekends ago, the Sunday New York Times featured an article in the Styles section, which focused on New York City gym goers. You may remember the quaint little piece, titled 24 Hour Sweaty People, which followed anonymous quasi-celebs and magazine editors around the Lafayette St. Crunch.
And because our in shape Intern Zack earns his cash as a paid employee of New York University by holding up the fort at the school’s gym, former NYC hotspot The Palladium, we thought it might be fun to do a little NYU version of the sweaty story.
What kind of secrets does NYU’s always crowded gym hold in the summer time? We’ve heard rumors of certain NYU alum cum media members picking up freshman on the rowing machines, and of girls dressing up as fake Olsen twins during the school year. But, we wanted Zack to put his journalism school skills to good use and do some quasi actual reporting. You know, on NYU’s dime.
After the jump, an attempt at Times style analysis of 9 hours of glistening college students. And try to keep your keys from getting too sticky …
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Even though we seem to remember this article from Vanity Fair a year or two ago, we’ve walked by the 24-hour Crunch on Lafayette St. enough times to know that gym culture reaches the height of gym cult at the die hard fitness center.
But who are the people in the window working out vigorously for all to see from the sidewalk? How can they be most easily stereotyped by the New York Times?
To call the place communal would be overreaching. Yet in the cycles and the confines of a gym are found predictable and reassuring rhythms, familiar faces and also recognizable habits of being. One can set clocks by some of the Type A performers of early morning, the driven, the compulsive, the competitive bodybuilders, 10-egg-white-omelets-for-breakfast types for whom this slot is an opportunity to hoist massive hunks of iron without causing bystanders to huddle in corners, whimpering in fear. One can recognize, too, in the late-night warriors, the hospital workers, taxi drivers or junior lawyers who show up past midnight, elements of one’s own need to carve out room in which to pace the miles of a psychic marathon.
While this article focuses on American obesity, we don’t think making gym goers look psycho is the best approach. All the non-gym people just validated their sedentary lifestyles by saying, “normal people spend mornings ordering in French toast, and watching the Today show … and they drink margaritas (not vitamin water) during happy hour.”
We are now convinced this is the Styles section’s secret plan to stay thinner than everyone else in New York.
24-Hour Sweaty People [Guy Trebay, New York Times]
From ancient art to celeb heavy activity, yoga has become the preferred work-out of such trend setters as Gwyneth Paltrow, Russell Simmons, and Donna Karen. And what do all these yogis have in common? They’ve all been members of Jivaukti Yoga Center at one point or another.
And what better way to celebrate the new sanctuary, guaranteed to be even trendier than the Village than a cocktail party.
TONIGHT’S opening of the new Jivamukti Yoga School on Union Square could be interesting. Guests must remove their shoes as they enter, even guests with holes in their socks. All the hors d’oeuvres will be vegan. Yum! The wine is organic.
We get the vegan stuff, but organic wine? Is that like how our instructor used to walk in Starbucks every day and then tell us that outer symbols and possessions are meaningless? Yeah … we just hope they all get drunk and decide to do some crow poses — we’ll even buy a $15 class if model breaks her nose.
PALATE STRETCHER [Page Six]
We didn’t think there was much we didn’t know about Bonnie Fuller. Granted, she’s very open about her personal life to the media, but even so — could there more secrets after we know about her thongs, razors, and red pen in the delivery room? The answer is: yes! Hey, we learned from the best that there is always room for fresh gossip in this industry.
10 Things we learned about Bonnie Fuller today:
• Bonnie stands in line at the grocery store.
• She thinks that raising your body temperature kills germs.
• Because of her germ killing work-outs, she does not get sick.
• Her parents played tennis.
• She takes her kids to karate every week.
• She’s almost as skinny as she was before she had a baby.
• At this point, excersise is an addiciton for her. (Oh, if only there were enough tabloid headlines in the day.)
• Bonnie is perfectly fine in plain old Wal-Mart work-out wear.
• She loves coffee but cuts herself off after 1.5 cups.
• She orders in super healthy salads and stuff for dinner two nights a week while everyone else in the office eats Benny’s Burritos.
Magazine Boss Bonnie Fuller Relies on Exercise for Stamina [Jen Murphy, Wall Street Journal]
Yesterday, we relayed the Ad Age story on former Glamour deputy editor Denise Brodey and her departure from Shape magazine. It was reported that she is leaving her executive editor spot to join More magazine as special projects editor — which we found rather strange, considering we know Brodey had been EIC shopping a mere six months ago.
And according to this latest tip, (which Keith Kelly apparently received as well) our hunch may have had some merit.
Denise Brodey is going to be EIC of FITNESS. But since she had a covenant not to compete clause in her Shape contract, she????????s biding her time over at MORE until the time on the clause runs out. The folks at Meredith have it all worked out, you see. And don????????t be thinking she won????????t be running up and down the stairs between those two. The folks over at FITNESS know she????????s coming. Just ask the Fitness staff.
The rumors are plausible — Fitness‘s last EIC Emily Listfield left the mag’s top spot in February after six years at the helm. The mag has been “on a hunt” ever since. But getting into Fitness through the back door at More? How sneaky! Our tipster reveals Brodey even had a great “I’m leaving to write a book” response for her former Shape EIC Valerie Latona.
Brodey has been plotting her escape for about a month now. Seems everyone at Shape knew but Latona. Last week Latona cornered and confronted Brodey asking her, ???????Is it true that you????????re going to Fitness???????? and Brodey REFUSED TO RESPOND. Brodey exited Shape on Monday under dubious circumstances. Word has it she told Latona she was leaving to write a book. YEAH RIGHT!
We hope she developed an extra layer of skin under David Pecker and Cyndi Leive … editorial director Mike Lafavore is rumored to be quite a force to be reckoned with. We’ve placed calls to Fitness, but magazine people don’t roll in until about 10:30, so … stay tuned for more “as the door revolves” when someone returns our messages.
Earlier: Denise Brodey’s EIC Spot Just Another Hop, Skip, Jump Away
Last week Keith Kelly broke the story behind Hearst’s move to West 57th Street, revealing, among other things, that chief Cathy Black would rule the roost from the 43rd floor while Seventeen magazine would be sitting, appropriately, on the 17th floor. Meanwhile, we got our hands on the official moving instructions, too, and learned all about Hearst’s moving captains and thought-out color coordinated system.
But only recently did we discover Kelly was wrong about the one thing that matters most to Hearst staffers: their gym membership. Reported Kelly about the new 46-story tower:
A 9,000 sq. ft. fitness center. Employees can gain access for only $35 a month, once the company’s $600 health club rebate is factored into the formula.
Turns out it’s not a $600 rebate, but a $300 one. But hey, at least they’ll have yogalates.
Earlier: Find Your Hearst Move Captain
Earlier: Kate White Beats Out Oprah at New Hearst Home
Call us crazy, but PlayStations are the last thing we would have accredited to taking over the realm of physical fitness. Don’t video games make you eat Doritos and sit around getting fat? Not anymore.
See, now when Trixie Winkle gets her kids and her nanny all packed into the car, and the driver takes them off to school, she will have Timmy’s PlayStation all to herself.
It all sounds great, right? Trixie can work-out, she never has to leave the house and go on the street with the regular people. That is until one day, Trixie wakes up, and realizes that no matter how cool her new best friend Mandy the PlayStation work-out gal is, she really misses the true purpose of exercise for middle-aged women in New York — sleeping with her tennis instructor.
And we really don’t think PlayStation has gotten quite that advanced yet.
Pop Them in, and They’re Ready to Push You [Catherine Sain Louis, New York Times]