• Douchebag college kid still yammering about getting to first base with trainwreck former pop star.
• Meanwhile, Britney Spears and the Spice Girls square off for the chance to showcase their complete and utter lack of musical ability.
• Ricky Martin is starting to sound a lot like Michael Jackson Madonna some crazy closeted gay man.
• Who needs the calendar version of Michael Biserta, when you can still get him in video form?
• Ed Harris tries, fails to smuggle a giant butcher’s knife past airport security. Then cries about it.
• “Eddie Murphy has been ‘extremely disrespectful,’ cries morally upstanding single mother, Scary Spice, who was secretly married back in June.
As lame as the gay guy version of Girls Gone Wild is, there was memorable face in the lackluster Guys Gone Wild series. His name is Michael Biserta and, at the time he appeared on film (claim to fame: he made his penis into a wristwatch), he was just another Staten Islander on spring break hoping to get laid.
Then he grew up (err, aged a year or two), started his career as a firefighter with Ladder 131 in Red Hook, Brooklyn, and turned his adonis bod into the cover of the FDNY’s 2008 calendar. Naturally, a whole slew of stay-at-home mothers started Googling him to find his MySpace profile and more photos of the chiseled youth. What they found, instead, were links to gay blogs fawning over him — and linking to an Xtube clip (available here, and definitely NSFW, and not safe for home if you’re married, either) showcasing his GGW debut.
As you might’ve guessed, Fire Department Commissioner Nicholas Scoppetta wasn’t happy about it, and now he’s banned his blaze battling troops from ever appearing in the calendar again — making next year a lonely one for those stay-at-home moms. Unless, of course, they’ve discovered Xtube.