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Shocking news: Michael Jackson and his children’s nanny Grace Rwaramba are not married, I repeat, not married.

“Wide spreading reports regarding Michael Jackson being married are not true,” publicist and resident rumor-buster Raymone Bain said in a statement to “E! News”. “Documents stating otherwise are a hoax.”

Thank God this isn’t true. I thought we were going to have to watch Michael kiss his new bride on TV. I am still trying to get over the whole Lisa Marie Presley debacle.