Britney Spears knows how much she lost during the unjust conservatorship that controlled her life.
But she’s not sure if fans are fully aware.
In a new post, Britney reflected upon the “real damage that was done to my heart and soul.”
As she heals and plans for the future, she cannot forget her past.
‘The real damage that was done to my heart and soul in the conservatorship’
On Thursday, August 27, Britney Spears took to her Instagram page to share a video of herself modeling a flashy, skimpy bikini outfit.
In her caption, she shared an emotional deep dive.
“I actually miss the way I respected people so much,” Britney began.
She recalled feeling “that there was a genuine mystery of acute oneness when we were together, which was sacred.”
Britney wrote: “I feel like, still to this day, people don’t realize the real damage that was done to my heart and soul in the conservatorship.”
She reflected: “But it’s bizarre. I was painfully shy, but I got to be someone different on stage.”
(This is not uncommon among performers. The act of performance can be therapeutic.)
“After having kids, though, I think that game was beyond overdone,” Britney expressed.
“I felt so silly and embarrassed,” she admitted. “I think it’s easier when you’re younger to go there.”
Growing older, having a changing body, and having new priorities can make performing, stripping down, and more become challenging tasks on a mental and emotional level.
‘I’ve been single for so long’
“Anyways, this video is actually crazy ’cause it’s identical to the ‘Gimme More’ video,” Britney Spears wrote.
“But,” she explained, “done with a version of me with 6-year-old legs and looking way younger. Crazy.”
Britney spent years performing or rehearsing almost daily. It is normal and natural for her to have lower muscle tone now, and we think that she is being uncharitable towards herself.
“I’ve been single for so long,” she reflected. “And I haven’t really shown my body except one time in my green bathing suit.”
Britney stated bluntly: “You can see here I’m actually extremely short. For some reason in paparazzi pics and in my living room, I seem to have very long legs. Maybe an illusion…”
“The front of my house is the show stage!!!!!” Britney said, perhaps jokingly. “Yet backstage I look quite a bit different.”
She recalled: “I remember when I first came to LA, I always felt like the youngest and shortest person in the room.”
Britney wrote about meeting Shakira, and feeling like they were similar. This would have been around 2001.
“I finally felt normal,” she wrote.
What was done to Britney during her conservatorship is probably not something that she can ever fully recover from. She cannot get those years back. She cannot undo institutionalization or involuntarily going on lithium.
All that she can do is continue to heal as she moves forward.