· Bob Guccione Sr. and Jr. (who we had the pleasure of meeting long enough for him to rattle off a half dozen accomplishments) have officially made up, thanks to Sr.’s fiance April Warren. We’ve never been happier to see smut and semi-smut form a union.
· At long last, a rational explanation for the Today show’s slipping ratings: Matt Lauer is losing more hair than usual, now that his wife, model Annette Roque, has left him. Officially, this time.
· Jesse Metcalfe enjoys fucking Tara Reid, but not being seen with her. We feel that way about her breasts, more so the left one.
· Tina Brown officialized her 20-year U.S. invasion by becoming an American citizen. We’re just asking, but is there a bureau for the unwanted?
· The Snipes family might have thought naming multiple members “Wesley” was funny when they were kids. Now it’s got the action star in trouble with the IRS.
· Shar Jackson continues to pepper the tabloids with parenting advice, but we’ve got some for her: Stop. Having. Kids.
· Paperback book publishers are turning to Reader’s Digest Large Print for new ideas: Taller format, better paper and larger fonts. The cost for ignoring your opthamologist’s eyeglass recommendation: an extra $2.
· The Michael Jackson trial is bad news for the alleged child molestor and the talking heads covering the alleged child molestor.