Amber Portwood just came out with a brand new book.
And it’s safe to say the Teen Mom OG star holds absolutely, positively, nothing-at-all back in the memoir, which is titled So, You’re Crazy Too?.
Perhaps the most unexpected reveleation?
Portwood writes that had two secret pregnancies over the years that she never previously confessed to, including one in 2010 around the time she was arrested for assault against then-boyfriend Gary Shirley.
Going back over a decade, Portwood was filmed on multiple occasions getting violent with Shirley, who’s the father of Amber’s firstborn, Leah.
In one incident, Amber pushed Gary down a flight of stairs, resulting in a November 2010 arrest.
According to Portwood’s book, she then slept with a random heroin addict … and had the abortion somewhere in between this arrest and an earlier incident that same year when she choked and punched Gary.
“When my ex and I had broken up for a while because the fighting was so bad, I was hanging out with a heroin addict and I accidentally got pregnant,” Amber writes in the memoir.
Regarding her mindset at the time, Portwood continued:
“Not being able to handle something and having to terminate a life were worlds apart for me.
"I finally had an abortion, however it was devastating to me. Again, I do not know why I made the decisions I made during this time in my life.”
The eventual mother of two was battling an opioid addiction while shooting the first seasons of Teen Mom, stating in her book that her drug use played a part in the decision to end this pregnancy.
“I was on drugs and I didn’t know what I was doing half the time,” she explains.
“I had nightmares about abandoning my unborn child. I cried uncontrollably for weeks afterward. I didn’t sleep and I lost a lot of weight.”
Portwood doesn’t know a lot about the father of this boy or girl, but went on to write that she believes he recently passed away.
“This news made me cry even though I had not seen or talked to him in years,” she writes.
“I knew he was an addict and not long for this earth, but we conceived a child together so I always felt a connection with him.”
Elsewhere, Portwood says in the book that she got pregnant by a guy she dated right after she was released from prison in December 2013.
This one ended in miscarriage.
“When I miscarried after falling pregnant by a boy I dated for a few months right after prison, it shook me, even though I had no business having a baby with anyone else at that time in my life,” she says.
Portwood adds that, on the day of the miscarriage, she remembers “trying to fish the thing out of my toilet for a long time.”
“I wanted to bury it and mourn its loss but I couldn’t get to it,” she says.
“It’s was one of those moments in my life that I replay in my head over and over: me sobbing and trying to fish something out of a toilet for some inexplicable reason.
"I swear death just follows me around.”
Portwoo has previously talked about a miscarriage with ex-boyfriend Matt Baier.
Also in the memoir, Portwood delves into her sexual history.
“I have had sex in my short 30 years of life with over 40 men and some women,” she states, adding how badly she wants to get busy any time she’s dating someone:
“When I am in a committed relationship, I like to have sex four or five times a day.
"I am certain, of course, that this is part of a mental disorder, but sometimes I think sex is just a healthy part of life and my love of sex is an attribute, not something to be cured."
Portwood has mentioned her bisexuality in the past, but this marks the first time she connected her appetite for intercourse to mental health struggles.
“Low sex drive is a side effect of antidepressants,” she writes.
“I still really enjoy sex, of course, but it takes more work now to get me going…I am pretty sure this side effect of my medication is the Universe’s way of slowing me down."
Here’s the thing, though:
Portwood is thankful for her sex drive — because it made her sort of rich and famous.
“My love of sex landed me on a show about teen pregnancy that pays my bills to this day, so it’s hard to think of my desire for a lot of sex is a dirty secret to be kept locked up and not discussed,” she says.
“But clearly I needed to learn–and I am still learning— that it is possible to have too much of a good thing (even a great thing like sex).”
So, You’re Crazy Too? was released on February 22 and is available via Amazon, whose description of the memoir we’ve posted below:
As a reality TV stalwart and one of the original stars of what’s become a massive franchise, Amber Portwood has been the subject of media curiosity and public scrutiny for almost thirteen years of her life—since the age of seventeen.
Throughout the years, Amber has struggled with up to five severe mental disorders that, especially when grouped together, would bring even the heartiest among us to their knees.
Currently serving out her five years of probation for a widely publicized fight with the father of her son, Amber has been on a rollercoaster of experiences since she famously emerged from prison almost eight years ago.
Now, she is finally ready to share the painful and emotional journey that has brought her to the more stable and productive life she’s leading today.
This book chronicles Amber’s journey with painstaking specificity, as she takes the reader through her harrowing battle with mental illness.
Her story serves as a triumphant tale of rebirth, as Amber finally conquers her demons and begins her road to a healthy and happy life.