It’s the middle of February, and millions of Americans are trapped inside by the double whammy of a persistent plague and an icy blast of winter weather.
In times like these, we need to be reminded that warm weather and better days will return one day.
And thankfully, the ladies of the Kardashian-Jenner clan are doing their patriotic duty by conjuring images of sunny days and almost-non-existent bikinis.
Okay, so technically they’re rocking bikinis to help shill for Kim’s Skims shapewear line.
But does the intent really matter?
The important thing is that we have three of the five KarJenner sisters are in bikinis for a photoshoot.
Like a double rainbow, it’s not a sight that we see very often, and it’s important to take time to fully appreciate it when it occurs.
Of course, it’s a competitive world we live in, and some folks can’t enjoy a thing of beauty without holding it up to other beautiful things for comparison.
Maybe it’s what people have always done, or maybe it’s just that we live in the most brain-broken of times, and we’ve lost the ability to enjoy things for their own sake.
Whatever the case — who are we to try and go against the tide?
And so, it’s in the spirit of conformity that we dive deep into what might be the most important question of the 21st century:
Who is the hottest Kardashian?
What we have here are essentially two separate contests:
On the one hand, there’s the Kim vs. Kylie feud that’s been raging for years, probably because they’re the two most financially successful members of the Kard clan.
And there’s the age-old Kylie vs. Kendall battle, that seems to be nothing more than a friendly sisterly rivalry.
For reasons that aren’t entirely clear, Kim and Kendall are like the American and National Leagues in baseball — they’re rarely pitted against each other, and they play by slightly different rules.
Kim and Kylie are billionaire entrepreneurs duking it out in the arena of social media and trying to best one another in terms of sales figures.
(So far, Kylie’s cosmetics company is mopping the floor with Kim’s shapewear line, which could be a sign of a changing of the guard in Calabasas.)
Kendall has chosen a different path — focusing on modeling as opposed to entrepreneurship.
She’ll always be compared to Kylie because they’re sisters, but she clearly has no interest in living life as a Kim clone.
Of course, Instagram is the most superficial place on earth, so the real reason Kim and Kylie are so frequently discussed in the same sentence is that they have similar body types.
It’s an inter-generational battle with Kim in the role of a seasoned Tom Brady-type.
She might be the greatest who’s ever done it, but can her reign last forever?
It’s starting to look that way.
Kylie, meanwhile, is like Patrick Mahomes — an exciting up-and-comer who’s reinventing the way the game is played.
Or maybe we’re putting way, way too much thought into some sisterly bikini pics.
Either way, the KarJenners have our eternal gratitude for taking our minds off of quarantine and giving us an excuse to put off shoveling.