Despite her many scandals, Kelly Dodd married Rick Leventhal just days ago.
Somehow, the newlywed still made time to insult her ex-rival, Vicki Gunvalson. Now Vicki is clapping back -- brutally.
“While I’ve addressed the gold-digging harlot known as Kelly Dodd before," Vicki Gunvalson's response to Celeb Magazine begins.
She continues: "it seems like she wants to rumble with the Queen."
"So," Vicki decrees, "I’m going to give her the response she is so desperately seeking.”
“In an Instagram comment,” Vicki observes., “Kelly recently referred to me as a ‘pig.’"
Sadly, this is far from the first time that Kelly has used this very specific insult about Vicki. But there is more.
"And," she continues, Kelly "said I had a ‘gross, funky body.’"
"First of all," Vicki notes, "she’s calling me a pig as she knows this is something that offended me in the past and ridiculously childish."
There was a lot of Kelly calling Vicki a pig just last season -- at one point, resulting in Vicki's tears and Kelly making (brief) peace with her.
"So," Vicki announces, "I’m going to take ownership of the term and throw it back at her.”
“Kelly Dodd is the true meaning of a pig and here’s why," Vicki opines.
She observes: "she thinks she’s above the law."
Vicki correctly points out that very consistently "she mocks people dying of the coronavirus pandemic."
"She wore a ‘Drunk Wives Matter’ hat at a time when people are out advocating for Black Lives Matter," Vicki also correctly notes.
She adds that this is something "which, whether she agrees or not, completely mocks the movement.”
Agrees or not is an odd statement to make, since basically all that BLM wants is an end to the consequence-free murders of Black Americans.
"She hosted a bridal shower with little use of masks and no social distancing," Vicki adds, "and that’s only the beginning."
She is right about that.
Of course, Kelly's proud covidiocy has been aggressive and even cruel all year long. She doesn't seem to care about other people.
"I tried my hardest to stand by her side when I was on the show,” Vicki recalls.
“But," she laments of Kelly, "she is too toxic and unpredictable."
"I can assure you Kelly Dodd is the furthest thing from a ‘lady’ that there is," Vicki asserts.
"She completely brought The Real Housewives of Orange County from a show about classy women to a show about classless women," Vicki claims.
She then asks: “What classy women do you know who threaten to kill people on TV?"
"What classy women do you know drop the c-word consistently in conversation," Vicki asks again, "especially when being filmed on a show?”
"There is nothing classy about her,” Vicki decrees.
She then adds: “She is someone who tried to sleep her way into a class she doesn’t belong in and still doesn’t."
That's ... a bit much. Almost everything that she says about Kelly is accurate or at least fair, but that's kind of pushing it.
"Like Countess Luann says in her song, ‘Money Can’t Buy You Class,‘" Vicki quips.
"And," she continues, "all the money her Fox News new husband reels in isn’t going to help one bit."
“Kelly Dodd is a vile human being," Vicki expresses, adding: "if you even want to call her that."
“Let’s see how long this marriage to her new husband lasts," Vicki suggests.
"It seems men get tired of her antics really quickly," she observes, "and who could blame them?”
Vicki describes: "She is unstable, mean, and a danger both to her castmates and society."
“Let’s not forget that Shannon, who now claims they’re BFFS," Vicki notes, "advocated many times to try to get Kelly fired and for us not to film with her."
"Of course," she adds, "Shannon will deny that now and claim they made up, but no one is a friend to Kelly Dodd."
Vicki then announces: "The only friend to Kelly Dodd is Kelly Dodd.”
“Kelly," Vicki says, addressing her ex-rival, "I’d advise you to stop talking about me."
"I’m no longer on the show," she reminds her, "so I’m not sure why I’m such a hot topic of conversation on your lips."
"The same goes for Shannon," Vicki adds. "Seems like you both need to start drama with the OG of the OC to keep yourselves relevant and peak viewer interest."
"That won’t last for long, though, as I’m not on that s–t show anymore," Vicki notes. "You are."
"And from what I’ve read in the press," Vicki adds, "it seems lots of people are advocating for Bravo to fire you due to all of your antics this year alone.”
Kelly being mean on camera is just part of the job. Sharing dangerous misinformation during a pandemic and using her platform to encourage covidiocy is not. Fans are demanding that Bravo fire Kelly.
“I wish you the best of luck with dealing with ALL of that and implore you to stay out of my life,” Vicki says.
She concludes her statement to Kelly: “You are gross, sleazy, and I want no part of you.”
To Kelly's new husband, Vicki says only: “Good luck, Rick. Call me in five years. XO- Vicki.”