Mackenzie McKee recently opened up about her very troubled marriage, admitting quite simply:
Here's the thing, however:
McKee is not actually without Josh at the moment.
In fact, the Teen Mom OG star is seeing more of Josh than ever before, considering the quasi couple is isolating at home with their kids amid the Covid-19 outbreak.
How the heck is that awkward situation going?
"I am having a hard time loving Josh the way I used to. And I'm kind of just figuring out myself," Mackenzie told TooFab this week, adding that things actually aren't that terrible.
"He's been working, he's the moneymaker right now. He's here for us. He holds us together. I'm trying to figure myself out. It's just kind of smoother right now."
McKee has been at the center of quite a turbulent storm for several months now.
And it's all played out on national television.
"[MTV] decided that they were gonna start filming, and it was like my life fell apart right then and right there. I mean, they followed the darkest year of my life and I pray I never have a year that bad again, ever," the mother of three explains.
She's referring here to the death of her mother, Angie, who died from cancer in late 2019.
And also to the collapse of her relationship.
On a previous episode of Teen Mom OG, Josh confessed to having acted inappropriately with another woman.
As a result, McKee said she had left Josh (for the second time) and was living on her own.
This confession came just a few months after Josh shocked Mackenzie on her 25th birthday by proposing for a second time and vowiing to be a different person going forward.
"He had no clue MTV was in town and if you could ask my mom, he spent hours," McKee told TooFab of the proposal last October, explaining in further detail:
"He was living out of the house; he wasn't living here. He was sending me gifts every day, trying to get me back.
"He got saved.
"And life was good, and we started dating again and just started from the beginning, and he worked so hard and spent so much money on this proposal."
With all the ups and downs in her romance, McKee admits to feeling "embarrassed" about how it's all been handled.
"I feel like I look weak."
As for what will happen between her and Josh?
It's evident that Mackenzie really has no idea.
Yes, Josh was unfaithful. However...
"The whole, 'once a cheater, always a cheater' that I'm seeing every day on the internet is bull crap," she says. 'Because if that's true about him, then it's true about me and I will not accept that."
Indeed, McKee has confessed in the past that she also cheated on Josh.
"I went and had an affair, and he found out and had to forgive me," she tells TooFab.
"When he asked 'why?' it was because I was not receiving enough attention from [you] during my postpartum depression and another guy was giving me attention."
To conclude this interview, McKee said she went to therapy during a 30-day separation from Josh and did everything possible to get her mind right, including extreme fasting.
The future is murky.
"I know people say 'leave if it's toxic for the kids. It's more unhealthy than to be apart.' It's not a toxic environment, it's just I'm having a hard time loving him," she says.
"But, you know, it's been good."