Queen to Meghan Markle: Bish, You're Gonna Live Where I Say You Can Live

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As many of us were reminded today, British monarchs are not impotent figureheads, as we're so often told.

In response to a request from Boris "Bowl-Cut Trump" Johnson's request, Queen Elizabeth II agreed to suspend Parliament until October.

The Queen Remembers

Yes, apparently QE2 has the authority to pause democracy.

Pretty badass/terrifying stuff.

And if you think the 93-year-old inspiration for Netflix's The Crown (Yes, that's her proudest achievement, don't @ us.) carries a lot of clout politically, you should see how much power she has in her own family!

As you may already know, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry live at Frogmore Cottage, which despite its name, is not a large tree with a knothole you can climb through to enjoy a tea party with a dapper squirrel and a neurotic woodchuck who's always checking his pocketwatch.

Baby Sussex

The Sussexes appear to have made the move in order to distance themselves from Kate Middleton and Prince William, whom they previously shared a roof with at Kensington Palace.

But that's a conversation for another time.

Today, we'd like to focus on the revelation that quaint little Frogmore was not Harry and Meg's first choice.

No, the couple had apparently planned on moving into Windsor Castle ... until the Queen nixed the idea for reasons that still aren't entirely clear.

Meghan Markle, Queen Elizabeth Split

"The couple are understood to have set their hearts at first on Windsor Castle, and are believed to have asked the Queen if living quarters could be made available after their marriage," a source close to the situation tells The Mirror.

"There are empty bedrooms and suites in the private apartments within Windsor Castle which the Sussexes may have had their eye on, or perhaps some former living quarters in the castle grounds converted into other things."

The insider added:

"But I can see how it might not be entirely appropriate to have a young family living there."

And why wouldn't it be appropriate?

MarHar

Well, we guess like cricket, bread pudding, and allowing a 93-year-old whose only power is inherited to send your democratically-elected lawmakers home for a couple months, it's just one of those things you have to be British to understand.

Yes, we spend so much time talking about everything that's f--ked up on this side of the pond, we figure it's time to take a moment and sh-t on the Brits.

How about this one?

Meg and Harry are at the Queen's mercy when it comes to where they can live, but when it comes time to decorate said living space?

Well, that's on the taxpayer's dime!

Into the Woods

Yes, The Mirror's source claims that the refurbishment of Windsor Castle scooped up a cool £2.4million out of UK coffers -- which we assume is a lot of money.

"They are going all out with the refurbishment of the house, and as Harry loves his gadgets, it’s going to be very cool," one insider tells royal expert Katie Nicholl.

"They’ll be able to control everything from their smartphones."

Of course, we guess we can't get too outraged about that one.

After all, there's no saying how much of our federal budget goes to spinning straw into hair plugs to cover Trumplestiltskin's chrome dome.

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