Robert Kraft: Video of Patriots Owner Getting a Hand Job Is Coming Your Way!

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Back in February, New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft was arrested for his alleged involvement in a prostitution ring.

Prosecutors claimed the billionaire was a regular client at Orchids of Asia, a Jupiter, Florida massage parlor that specialized in "happy endings."

Robert Kraft

Yes, that's a euphemistic way of saying Mr. Kraft was frequently getting cranked off in a Sunshine State strip mall.

Folks, this is what a 10-figure net worth looks like in Donald Trump's America.

Anyway, the whole situation has been a nightmare for Kraft and the Patriots organization, both of which have been mired in controversy for years.

Robert Kraft Photo

In all likelihood, Kraft will beat the charges against him and avoid jail time.

(For an explanation of why we're making this prediction, see that earlier bit about the 10-figure net worth.)

But that doesn't mean Kraft will be able to put this scandal behind anytime soon.

Florida prosecutors are in possession of a tape that reportedly shows Kraft "receiving sexual services" at Orchids of Asia.

Robert Kraft Pic

Thus far, Kraft has been able to block the public release of the video, but apparently, it's already been shopped to several media outlets by an unknown seller.

According to The Blast, which was one of the outlets to receive the tape, the footage shows Kraft "undressed and laying on the massage table with his hands placed behind his head."

We're guessing that's also how he greets Roger Goodell after every Patriots Super Bowl victory.

kraft pic

Interestingly, Kraft's arrest came just days after the Pats yet again outraged America by triumphing over the LA Rams in a battle of coastal elite cities that was about as thrilling as watching a painting of growing grass dry.

We're not saying the two events are related, but the timing might be evidence that there is a God, and he hates the Patriots just as much as the rest of us.

Despite earlier reports that Kraft was part of a human sex trafficking ring, it now looks as though Orchids of Asia was nothing more than an old-fashioned handy hut.

Bob Kraft 1

Even so, Kraft's involvement in this ordeal is beyond creepy.

We understand why an elderly widower might turn to prostitutes for "companionship," but this is a guy who could've been enjoying intimate evenings at home with top-dollar escorts.

Instead, he was getting his knob polished in a strip mall by underpaid and seemingly mistreated immigrants who proceeded to hose off his juices with something called a "table shower."

Supposedly, owners are held to the same standard of conduct as players, but you know if this were a 22-year-old WRoC (wide receiver of color), there would be no talk of him returning to the league.

Just sayin'.

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