Today, the longest, most vitriolic presidential election in US history will finally comes to a close.
(Unless someone does something crazy like contest the results even if they have no legal grounds on which to do so, but this is America. We wouldn’t stand for something like that, right? RIGHT?!)
You may think that no one could possibly be more ready than you are to see this thing finally wrap up (hopefully in a riot-free fashion), but you would be wrong:
You may remember Tiffany Trump from her speech at the Republican National Convention in July and then … well, that’s about all you would remember her for.
While the three eldest Trump kids have been stumping for their daddy for the past 17 months, Tiff has maintained a significantly lower profile.
Hell, Melania Trump, has done more public speaking over the course of this campaign, and she basically just gets up there and reads from Michelle Obama’s diary.
Many have wondered why the 22-year-old recent University of Pennsylvania grad chooses to play such a non-existent role in her father’s run for the White House.
After all, anyone who’s familiar with Tiffany’s music career knows that she craves the spotlight and is willing to deeply humiliate herself in order to get it:
So why isn’t she out there drumming up support for her father at rally events all over the country?
Well, it might be that Tiff is fully aware of what most Americans have known for years:
Her dad is the douche to end all douches.
Check out what he had to say about Tiffany during his 50 millionth call-in interview on Fox & Friends this morning:
Around the 14:40 mark in the clip above, Trump gives a shout-out to his kids, as only he can:
"I’m very proud of my children. I mean, I’m just looking at them right now, as an example for your show. But I’m very proud.
"Because Don and Eric and Ivanka and—you know, to a lesser extent because she just got out of school, out of college—but, uh, Tiffany, who has also been so terrific.
"I mean, they work so hard."
Yeah, it’s always nice to hear your dad praise your siblings, then grudgingly add your name to the list "to a lesser extent."
Throughout the entire interview, Trump only made a brief, passing reference to his youngest son, Barron, who made a couple appearances but barely helped out at all, ya know?
Sure, he’s only 10, but when is he gonna start pulling his weight?! Jeez!
Trump also referenced the support he received from New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and coach Bill Belichick.
At a rally last night, Trump claimed Brady had already voted for him, and he carefully walked back that lie today.
Interestingly, Brady’s wife, Gisele Bundchen, says she and husband will not be supporting Trump.
We like to imagine Trump responding with:
"Look, lady, I have no idea what’s going on in my own family; you think I can keep track of yours?
"By the way, that’s a lovely accent. Mind if I take a look at your birth certificate?"