Miley Cyrus: My First Hookup Was With a Chick!

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Miley Cyrus apparently has 2016 by the 'nads ... or it is, at least, the year that she stopped being so damn obnoxious about everything all the freaking time. 

Taking the cover of Variety's brand-new Power of Women issue, Cyrus was interviewed about Disney, her sexuality, and nipple pasties.

While most of you are just here for Miley Cyrus' nipple pasties—it's okay, we don't judge around here—she actually has a lot of good to say...and above all, it makes sense. Good on her, you know? 

Miley Cyrus 2016 Variety Cover

About her sexuality, Cyrus says, "My whole life, I didn't understand my own gender and my own sexuality," which isn't hard to believe, growing up all Disney -- and that's sad as hell. 

"I always hated the word 'bisexual,' " Miley explained, "because that's even putting me in a box." Insert obligatory box joke here.  

"I don't ever think about someone being a boy or someone being a girl," she clarifies. "Also, my nipple pasties and s--t never feld sexualized to me." 

Well, good on you, girl, for being blind for the last few years.  

Oh, but wait, never mind -- she says that her eyes have been opened for a really, really long time. Our bad! 

Miley continues, "My eyes started opening up in fifth or sixth grade. My first relationship in my life was with a chick," she says, inferring that her Southern upbringing frowned upon this.  

But she credits the universe -- the youuuuuuuniverse, y'all -- to ensure that she remains on her true path like any good Jedi knight, and says, "The universe has always given me the power to know I'll be OK." 

Miley Cyrus Smokes Online

She also reveals that there might be a little element of regret to one of the greatest (?) songs ever written, "Wrecking Ball." 

About the song -- and unforgettable video -- she says, "On my tombstone, I didn't want the 'Wrecking Ball' lyrics." 

"I'm the only f--king Disney star who would say I'm pro-lesbian and gay before it was OK to say that." 

Uh, sure, Miley. Keep that universe or whatever it is running through your head. 

All jokes aside, though, Miley's doing much better than she has in previous years. She sounds more grounded and less outlandish -- it's true, believe it or not -- than she has in previous interviews.  

Further, she puts presidential nominee Donald Trump in the same baskets that the Kardashians ride around in, and that makes things OK in our book, too. 

About Trump, Miley says, "This is not a dig, but I do think there's something that goes with the Kardashians and Trump. The Kardashians are better than Trump, because they are not trying to run the country." 

"They are just trying to be famous, and that's fine," she concedes (it's not). 

Donald Trump, Fist Raised

Keep on keeping on, girl. By 2020, you might have all of your ish together, and wouldn't that be a blessing? 

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Miley Cyrus Biography

Miley Cyrus on New Year's Eve
Miley Cyrus has evolved tremendously over the years. Initially known for portraying Hannah Montana, the singer/actress made an effort to... More »
Franklin, Tennessee
Full Name
Destiny Hope Cyrus

Miley Cyrus Quotes

Thank you guys for all your support. Without you, none of this would be possible. I love every one of you and I could not be more appreciative. God bless you.

Miley Cyrus [at a concert, soon after photo scandal broke]

I have let myself down. I will learn from my mistakes and trust my support team. My family and my faith will guide me through my life's journey.

Miley Cyrus [on lewd photos]