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Gwyneth “GOOPSTER” Paltrow has a very important announcement to make.

Gwyneth Paltrow Hamptoms August 2016
(Eugene Gologursky/Getty Images for East Hampton Library)

The Oscar winner has said that if she had to do it all over again, she wouldn’t announce her divorce – nay – “conscious uncoupling” – on her lifestyle site, GOOP.

According to E! News, Paltrow was asked during a LinkedIn Q&A session if she’d address consciously uncoupling again like she did in 2014 when separating from Coldplay’s Chris Martin.

“That is a good question. Not in the same way,” Paltrow answered.

“It sort of wouldn’t be appropriate now. It is a much bigger business and I’m not sure it would be the right place to do something like that. I’m not sure. That’s a good question.”

Here’s where Paltrow becomes her infuriating self, referring to GOOP as more of a little, tiny posh village that wasn’t mainstream (it actually was, since it was the butt of First World Problem jokes ).

“At that time, goop wasn’t the size that it is now, there were a lot less people,” Paltrow explained.

“It was a very, very personal project for a long time and I wrote in the first person all the time, so it wasn’t like a break.”

“Now if you read the content, it is not in the first person anymore,” Paltrow continued.

“At the time, it was still very small and very personal. It was such a difficult time in my life and I was trying so hard to protect my children and my family, Chris included.

“We were both fragile. It was really tough.

“To me it felt like this is a quiet way to do this and it is contained.”

Paltrow and Martin made an unprecedented move at the time, choosing to announce the end of their marriage on her own site rather than issuing a statement to an established publication.

“It is with hearts full of sadness that we have decided to separate,” Paltrow and Martin wrote.

“We have been working hard for well over a year, some of it together, some of it separated, to see what might have been possible between us, and we have come to the conclusion that while we love each other very much we will remain separate.” 

“We are, however, and always will be a family, and in many ways we are closer than we have ever been.

“We are parents first and foremost, to two incredibly wonderful children and we ask for their and our space and privacy to be respected at this difficult time.

“We have always conducted our relationship privately, and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and coparent, we will be able to continue in the same manner.”

Fast-forward more than two years, and Paltrow’s site has become the go-to for all things extravagant and pretentious.

“I feel like we are just at like the acorn stage of fulfilling our potential,” she said.

“I have never known where goop is going, it has always caught me by surprise. We’ll just have to see,” she says.

“I am open to anything. I could sell it. I could pass it to my kids.”

Hokay.