Last we checked in on him, Corey Feldman was operating a weird sex cult out of a home that’s presumably paid for by The Lost Boys royalties.
While exploiting and brainwashing “coachable” (his word) young women is no doubt a time consuming endeavor, when he’s not mixing up large vats of Kool-Aid or lighting candles under a framed self-portrait, Feldman devotes himself to his other passion:
Music.
Actually, we’re not sure the multi-sensory atrocity he committed on the Today show this morning can be legally referred to as “music.”
We’ll check with our legal team.
In the meantime, check out the Michael Jackson on Molly impression that just caused millions of Americans to gag on their Grape Nuts:
It’s really hard to know where to start with this one.
There’s Corey’s getup, which morphs from 45-year-old narc going undercover at a skatepark to Jacko 2.0.
There’s the dead-eyed band of “angels” who appear to be holding musical instruments for the first time..
There’s the lyrics. (Don’t let them “abolish you,” Corey warns baffled listeners!)
And, of course, there’s the song itself.
Not surprisingly, Twitter had a field day with the former child star.
Here’s a handful of some of the most amusing of the thousands of Feldman-related tweets (the performance has made Feldman a trending topic for the time since, well … ever!):
“Not sure what’s happening with Corey Feldman on the @TODAYshow right now but it seems like an EDM exorcism.” – @MC_McGeeney
“Corey Feldman dancing on #TodayShow is exactly what we need on a Friday.” – @PrestonSteve933
Walking out of work on Friday like @Corey_Feldman pic.twitter.com/ZQVv3mZz8h
— Sam Bauman (@TV6sAM) September 16, 2016
“Corey Feldman is on the Today show and he looks like Lord Voldemort. And he’s doing the robot. Jesus, please fix it.” – CiCiAdams
“Corey Feldman just performed on the Today Show. If only MNight Shyamalan could come up with a new movie twist as good as 2016.” – @lauriecrosswell
Like we said, not exactly glowing reviews.
But hey, it could’ve been worse.
Corey could’ve…
Actually, we literally can’t think of a way it could’ve been worse.
Don’t quite your day job, Corey!
And by that, we mean get a day job and hold on to it.
Those Stand By Me checks are gonna stop rolling in one of these days.