Now that Johnny Depp and Amber Heard have reached a divorce settlement they can both move on without any fear of fans and news outlets continuing to scrutinize their failed marriage, right?
Ha! Welcome to the 21st century, naive hypothetical reader!
The tabloid media won't stop speculating about the bad blood between these two until they both drop dead or Amber sends the message that they've buried the hatchet with a cameo in Pirates of the Caribbean 19: The Legend of the Chinese Box Office.
As you may have heard, Amber announced her decision to donate her spousal support to charity shortly after the she and Depp reached their settlement.
Depp called her bluff by offering to cut out the middle man and donate the $7 million directly to the charities of her choice.
Team Heard wasn't having that.
The actress' attorneys claimed that Depp was seizing an opportunity to look like the good guy and secure himself a sizable tax write-off by writing checks directly to charity instead of to Heard.
Lawyers being lawyers, they even tried to make Depp double his settlement as punishment for proposing the idea.
Yes, this whole mess has gotten so ugly that even a freakin' charitable contribution has become grounds for the legal equivalent of nuclear warfare.
Now, Star magazine (we know, we know) is reporting that the charity dust-up is just the tip of the iceberg, and the situation is actually far more contentious than originally thought.
The tabloid even goes so far as to claim that Heard is essentially homeless as a result of her divorce, and that Depp is refusing to allow her to gather her belongings from the apartment they once shared.
Recently, Amber has been spending most of her time in London shooting the Justice League movie with fellow tabloid staple Ben Affleck.
But during breaks in filming - and when the movie eventually wraps - Amber reportedly has no home to return to.
“Amber has nowhere to live when she returns to California,” a source tells Star, adding that Heard hasn't even started looking, ans has no possessions to put in her new place once she finds one.
“All she’s got are the clothes she took to London – Johnny won’t let her back in their house to get any of her things.”
As for why Amber hasn't started searching for a new place, the source says it's for the simple reason that she doesn't have any money:
“She’s pretty much broke. She could have used that big settlement, but she was too proud to take it,” the source claims.
“So until her Justice League paycheck comes in, she’s going to be couch surfing with friends.”
Yikes, donating to charity is wonderful, but maybe she should've held on to a few grand for a first month, last month and security deposit.
We won't go in for the easy joke and point out that Johnny's the one who usually dresses like he's homeless.
Oh, wait, we just did.
Just kidding, Johnny!