In case you've been spent the past few days wandering the Great Plains in search of the bearded ne'er-do-well who left you for dead following a bear attack, let us be the first to inform you that Leonardo DiCaprio won his his first Academy Award on Sunday for playing a puddle of testosterone come to life in The Revenant.
After dating Kelly Rohrbach throughout most of his Oscar campaign, Leo decided to drop his model of the moment in the weeks leading up to the big night, perhaps so he could do his usual self-consciously endearing thing and bring his mom as his red carpet date.
But now that he's hoisted his Oscar, Leo can get back to putting his hands on other shiny gold hard-bodies.
Yes, in news that's certain to shock you to your core and make you question everything you thought you knew about the man, Leonardo DiCaprio is dating a model in her early 20s.
Specifically, he's dating the 24-year-old pictured above, who sports the hilariously pole-ready name of Roxy Horner.
Based on the information provided on her Instagram page, Roxy enjoys modeling, and doing other modelly stuff, which makes her a perfect fit for Leo.
Unfortunately, at 24, she's basically the DiCaprio girlfriend equivalent of a week-old banana.
We're guessing homie's already planning his next trip to the produce department, but hey, enjoy it while it lasts, Roxy!
Play your cards right and you might get to meet Lukas Haas!