Get ready to feel like you're trapped in a time warp of douchiness and bad decisions:
No, we're not just recycling old stories for our own amusement. This is real, and it was apparently confirmed during an after-party for the 2015 MET Gala.
You may already know that Katy's dress was tragically vandalized en route to the annual fashion circus (we kid) and she was joined on the red carpet but some one whom we'll refer to only as Not John Mayer.
Well, after the main event, KP reportedly ditched the nobody to get with an even bigger nobody, because she and Mayer were spotted sucking face at late-night event at the Standard hotel.
You might be thinking that at this point it's not so much that Perry and Mayer are constantly breaking up and reconciling, rather it's more like a friends-with-benefits situation wherein they both just have sex with each other when they're single (the "bone when alone," as it's known).
We'd be inclined to agree, were it not for the fact that they're always making out in public!
Celebrities who are in low-key hookup situations usually have the sense to keep it low-key.
In this case, we're guessing John and Katy passionately reconnect every few months, then remember that they're terrible for each other.
Or, that one of them is just constantly strung along and comes calling whenever the other snaps their fingers.
We'll give you a hint: The desperate one has a name that starts with "K" and ends "-aty Perry Who Always Makes Bad Decisions When It Comes to Men."