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Last night’s Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 marked the final season premiere for the longtime CBS staple you had probably forgotten was still on the air.

This is not a joke. It is really still on the air.

Watch Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 Online
Watch Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 Online

In a nutshell, Two and a Half Men Season 12 Episode 1 focused on Walden asking for Alan’s assistance with adjusting his priorities in life after a health scare.

A scare on Halloween, appropriately.

We begin as the guys prepare for a night out with some of Walden’s girlfriends, and Alan noting that putting “slutty” in front of any job makes it a costume.

Walden collapses in pain, and not from that joke. Later, we learn that Walden had a mild heart attack but will make a full recovery. Sort of like the show?

In any case, Walden awakens to a nun-dressed Berta and Ferris Bueller’s faces, understandably believing he is in hell and that his life is really pathetic.

Get this guy some morphine, STAT.


Walden, resting at home, later says he wants his life to have meaning and that means having a kid. So they meet with a lawyer who specializes in adoption.

His lack of marriage seems to throw a wrench into this plan, causing him to break down and reveal that he wanted to off himself after his wife left him.

Unhappy with the prospect of maintaining a long-term relationship, and lamenting that the adoption deck is stacked against single guys, Walden is crestfallen.

Walden says he just wants to marry the right person, “or Mila Kunis.” GET IT?!? Because Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis are engaged and just had a kid!!!!!!!!

Then the light bulb clicks on.

“What if we were more than friends?” Walden asks Alan, before dropping to one knee and proposing. Yes, it looks like these two are going to get gay married.

Follow the link to watch Two and a Half Men online and tell us: Are you digging this twist, and do you hope Charlie Sheen will come back for the wedding?