More than a year and a half after the project was announced, the Fifty Shades of Grey movie trailer hit the web last week, and it did not disappoint.
Well, unless you're an actual BDSM enthusiast, in which case you are probably LOLing at Christian Grey. But for the fans of the book? Gracious!
While certainly titillating on some level, the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer definitely brings the cheese factor, not dissimilarly to the source material by E.L. James.
Let's be honest: Even if you love the books, they aren't exactly literary masterpieces. Guilty pleasures, for darn sure, but heavy on the melodrama.
From what we've gleaned from this trailer, the movie looks like it will be no different when it hits theaters in February. Here's a scene-by-scene breakdown:
0:00: We first meet Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele, an impressionable, innocent college graduate who interviews Christian for a newspaper and may or may not know what Google is.
0:12: "Mr. Grey will see you now," Christian's possible cyborg secretary tells Ana. Mr. Grey, meanwhile, stares out his window, brooding in contemplative silence.
0:25: Watching Christian pace around his office, Ana is clearly taken with this mysterious, powerful figure, commenting on how polite and intimidating he is.
0:40: Explaining that she's, like, so simple, Ana says, "Look at me." Christian replies, "I am." You have NO IDEA what he's thinking about doing to her, too.
0:52: The elevator doors close. Slowly, for added suspense.
0:55: Christian tells Ana, apparently on a walk in the woods, that he likes to exert control in all things. His eyes look rather insane. LIKE WHAT, she wonders.
1:03: They make out in the elevator. Hardcore. To Beyonce.
1:11: Christian says he's "incapable of leaving you alone."
1:16: Ana wakes up wrapped in his blankets and sheets, which she proceeds to drag across the apartment instead of putting on clothes for reasons unknown.
1:18: We learn that the dude had a rough life. And is a jogger.
1:21: Jose tries to kiss Ana. Christian lays him the f--k out, because that's a totally rational course of action when someone puts a move on your girl.
1:25: Christian Grey tells us he does not "do" romance. Gulp.
1:30: Cue obligatory Jamie Dornan shirtless montagae.
1:35: They're on a plane, because he's a baller.
1:40: Ana tells her love interest to "enlighten me."
1:45: Does. He. Ever.
1:50: There is a riding crop and some rope. Her hands are tied. Ana is naked, blindfolded and we see her body lurch forward, accompanied by moaning.
1:55: He is also carrying her limp body through the hall at one point for some reason, possibly after ransacking the poor thing like there's no tomorrow.