The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: The Witches of Miami

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The Real Housewives of Miami take the stage for the final time this season in their "Reunion Part 2" and why won't someone use their black magic to make it all go away…or at least turn down the volume. We recap it all in our THG +/- review.

This was the reunion show that went from silly to sad to pathetic. Plus 20 because that's a lot of ground to cover in just an hour.

A Little Black Magic

It was almost comical how each housewife turned on one another…and not in a good way.  They all came across as a bunch of crazy, evil witches with few exceptions.

Minus 33 to Joanna Krupa for that smarmy smile she was wearing after her personal makeup artist tore Lisa Hochstein apart back stage. Really Joanna, we thought you were better than that. Apparently we were wrong.

As Lisa told Joanna, "people don't really like you," we could suddenly see why and it was pretty darn sad to see such a beautiful woman act so petty.

Of course Adriana couldn't help but jump in. She'd been contacted by a reporter in Poland who swears Joanna's been involved with escort services overseas.

Joanna says she's making a ton of money off the law suits concerning such stories but that didn't wipe the smirk off of Adriana's face as she was able to once again call Ms. Krupa a whore. Minus 15.

Hooker, homewrecker and Hochstein hater. I think that about covers it for Joanna.

Marysol Patton visited the sofa. Oh goody….not! Minus 18. Marysol is boring on a good day and her vendetta against Lea Black is just silly. Who cares if she didn't call your mother. Get over it already.

But getting over it doesn't get you camera time. As much as I honestly feel sorry for Mama Elsa's heath issues, Marysol parading her iPad out with a video of her ill father berating Lea was nothing but pathetic. Minus 40.

And the flashbacks of the psychic describing Lea as the person who perfotmed a magic spell on Marysol's family was nothing but comical. It really did sound like the woman was reading from a script that described Lea.

If Lea really does have magical powers I'd hope she'd use them for something useful, like getting herself off of this silly show.

The best moment of the night was Andy Cohen yelling "too loud" at the ladies as they screeched over one another. Plus 37. The noise level was utterly ridiculous. I could barely understand what they were screaming at one another.

Alexia really needed to come down off of her high horse about Vegas. So Lisa got drunk at a bachelorette party in Las Vegas. If there was ever a time or a place to let off some steam I'd say that would be it. A real friend would let it go but that's not Alexia.  Minus 22.

And Alexia swears she's never referred to herself as the Cuban Barbie doll.  Hasn't she? I know she's been called that on the show before and I wish the show would have shown who said it tonight. Minus 10.

Alexia ganging up on Lisa for calling some of the ladies the Cuban gang seemed kind of silly. If she's referred to them as an evil coven would that have been better?

In the end Alexia tells Lisa, "We're all bitches." Well, some more than others.

Will you miss The Real Housewives of Miami or are you simply glad it's over.

Episode total = -81! Season total = -699!

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