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Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are married! The couple has tied the knot in secret!

At least according to OK! Magazine … so they’re totally not married basically.

Of course, there is NO MENTION of when this happened, or what she wore, or really much of anything else … only that “official nuptials” are still to come.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt: A Picture
Photo via AFP via Getty Images

Whatever that means.

In any case, Jolie and Pitt, the celebrity gossip tabloid reports, “exchanged their vows with a small sunset commitment ceremony at their L.A. mansion.”

 

“Brad and Angelina both wanted to do something for family and no one else,” explains the alleged insider. “They were desperate to keep the ceremony private.”

“One leak would have meant media chaos. They took great care to fool everyone by sneaking in flowers, booze, food and decorations after dark.”

“It was incredibly emotional and there wasn’t a dry eye in the place.”

Sort of like at THG when we read these hilarious fake quotes.