Here Comes Honey Boo Boo taught viewers a valuable life lesson: Never play "Guess Who's Breath" when you really need to urinate.
We can only hope all readers repeat that mantra as they read through our weekly +/- rundown of this surprising/nauseating/ridiculous TLC smash. Are you paying attention, Kris Jenner?
Life can be a drag in the Georgia country, so Alana comes up with a genius idea. Let's play Guess Who's Breath, the most self-explanatory game out there: you wear a blindfold, you take a whiff and you guess who just stunk up your nostrils. PLUS 9 for sheer ingenuity here.
But MINUS 19 for the way the contest came to an end: With Anna peeing herself and earning the nickname "Wet Wet." Tough break there.
The Thompsons make $25 from a lemonade stand ("How do you spell lemonade?" Pumpkin asks?), earning PLUS 6 in the process because we were sure they were ticketed for a loss after Pumpkin screamed at passing motorists: "I'mma bust ya damn windows out!"
Elsewhere, Alana assessed Chickadee's expecting state with "Kaitlyn's coming out of Anna's moon pie any day now!" MINUS 37 because.... ugggh. Come on, Honey Boo Boo.
June cooks up her special dinner of "sketti" (MINUS 12) covered in "ketchup-butter mix" (MINUS 27). She also brags that can feed her family on $80/week, which would earn PLUS 14 points in this economy, but MINUS 15 must then be tacked on because they will also have Diabetes in a decade. Think of the medical expenses then!
Sugar Bear takes Alana to the Fun Factory, where they go roller-skating and engage in legitimate father/daughter time. PLUS 7 because we're softies. Says Sugar Bear: "My favorite part of spending the day alone with Alana is I actually got to see her play, have fun, and she had a big smile on her face."
Awww. PLUS 4 more!
We'll give the final word to Pumpkin: "I'll be honest with you. I don't brush my teeth but on special occasions." You just had to go and ruin it, didn't you, girl? MINUS 10.
TOTAL: -70. SEASON TO DATE: -130.