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Too good to be true. That’s what The Real Housewives of New Jersey’s trip to “Whine Country” has been so far, but that’s all about to change.

We’ll break down all the sexcapades and snubs in our THG +/- recap!

The Russian River Valley looks like such tranquil place until the Jersey crowd pass through.  An immediate minus 12 to Teresa showing off her potty mouth.

And just how desperate is this woman to get her husband’s attention?  She’s asking him “Do you want to stick your finger in my ***?” and telling him she wants to do him in the vineyards all in front of her brother and sister-in-law.  What is she overcompensating for?

Teresa and Louie

We find out all too soon but let’s stick to our RV ride for a moment.

Plus 10 to Melissa for pointing out to Teresa that once she gives quotes about her life to magazines, she’s given up the expectation of privacy.  If she didn’t want people to ask her if she’s going to jail, why talk about it and pose for a magazine cover?

Jacqueline says something about Teresa seeing the truth about herself.  Ha!  Jacqueline is so naive. Minus 11.  I don’t see Jacqueline being able to keep their relationship casual in a way that she doesn’t end up in tears yet again.

Then we’re off to do some wine tasting. Why in Hell would Chris invite the Guidices and Gorgas along if he wanted to make a good impression on his new business associates?  Minus 15.  What was he thinking?

As Joe Gorga says the wine tastes like his wife and Guidice wants to leave, Teresa wonders why the others are such sticks in the mud.  This is fun, not work.  Looks like someone didn’t get the memo.

The two Joes act like a couple of horny teenagers but is that really surprising?  The question of the day…who can see Teresa’s crotch? Minus 13.  If she can afford the designer dresses you’d think she could buy a pair of underwear to go with it.

Which is worse? Gorga jumping on the art work at the winery or Guidice saying it looks like Gorga’s penis? These boys really need to go back to Jersey.

The one nice moment of the trip is Caroline’s birthday surprise.  Her husband and kids set up dinner overlooking the vineyard and the view was gorgeous.  Plus 22.  Nicely done.  Caroline says that Albert’s the best thing that ever happened to her followed by her three kids.  It’s a sweet moment and you can tell she means it.

Such obvious love and affection amongst family members makes the lack of it all the more glaring in the Guidices. 

Does Joe not remember that he’s wearing a live mic?  Because he takes a phone call that’s obviously from another woman and then he calls Teresa his “b*tch wife” and says, “She’s such a c**t.”

Minus 20.  So not only is he cheating on Teresa but he’s tearing her down too. 

Just when you think it can’t get worse, it does.  Teresa seems to know there’s something up and doesn’t buy his story about the phone call being from a guy from work.  But does she confront him about it? No.  Instead she wants to have sex in the vineyards.  What makes it all the more embarrassing is that he turns her down and calls her a “f*ckin’ whore” before finally giving in.

Minus 12 because did we really need the play by play from Richie about Teresa with her legs in the air?  Ugh.

The saddest part is that some day their kids will probably see this footage.  Minus 22.

There’s one more dinner to go in the wine country and things continue to unravel.  Teresa gives a lovely toast mentioning how much she loves everyone…except her cousin Kathy who is sitting right next to her.  Was it an intentional snub or did she simply forget to mention her cousin?

On this one I’ve got to agree with Richie.  Who the Hell cares what Teresa says?  Plus 10. It might be better to be snubbed by Teresa than noticed.

Looks like we’ve got one more week on the west coast.  Will any of them still be speaking by the time this trip is over?