When Bryce Harper stole home against the Phillies this week – following a beaning Philadelphia pitcher Cole Hamels later admitted was intentional – it was merely the culmination of an impressive set of opening games for the 19-year old phenom.
The Washington Nationals’ outfielder is batting over .300. He’s rifled multiple darts to home plate. He’s crashed into walls, stretched singles into doubles and done it all with a reckless, hustling style not seen since Pete Rose.
The rising star is an inspiration to baseball fans everywhere, so much so that even Chuck Norris – actor, martial arts god and creator of countless mythical feats of lore – ought to be frightened of the athletic upstart.
After all, did you know…
… Bryce Harper is tough enough to make all the other guys named “Bryce” tough; he just chooses not to.
… Some say Bryce Harper is not old enough to drink alcohol. Turns out, all of the current alcohol is not properly aged enough to be worthy of his thirst.
… Bryce Harper doesn’t actually steal home; home is presented to him at the batter’s box in front of an audience of thousands.
… Bryce Harper once threw himself out at home just to see what it was like.
… Warning tracks around the Majors are in place to warn the wall that Bryce Harper is coming.
… Bryce Harper is soon to become the only player in MLB history to be intentionally walked from the on deck circle.
… Bryce Harper’s eye black is actually designed to protect the eyes of mortals from adverse effects of his blinding speed.