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Having returned from the motherland to haterville, The Real Housewives of Atlanta headed to a party this week, but instead of encountering a good time there, our fair ladies found only tears, feuding, and boredom. So it goes.

Come along as we recap it all, THG +/- style!

You can’t kill ’em if they’re already dead.

Real Housewives of Atlanta

That’s Phaedra’s take away from her embalming training. Plus 15 for her overall excitement about diving into the more gruesome aspects of the job but I was relieved that we only had to watch her work on a dummy.

Seeing her learn on a person would have been a little creepy.

But Phaedra’s enthusiasm makes the funeral arts look fun. She can’t wait to get in there and make the dead look pretty with a hair and makeup makeover. Plus another 5 because I’m actually beginning to think she can pull this off.

Across town, Kim’s trying to get the new house in order before Kroy comes home from training camp but it isn’t going so well. Her dad keeps trying to throw things away. Minus 7. I hate that but I will agree that Kim’s got way too much stuff but that’s her decision not his.

Her bigger issue is Sweetie. Sweetie’s always been a slacker but it’s gotten worse and now she’s complaining about being asked to do too much. Minus 20.

I’ve never had a job where I was allowed to lounge by the pool for the day. Heaven forbid Kim ask her to help move a few boxes in between sun bathing and smoking her cigarettes. 

The problem is that Kim and Sweetie have become friends and the lines have become blurred but I’m definitely with the hair stylist. If someone was cursing at my kids they’d be shown the door fast.  Minus 10.

Kim’s doing a lot bitching but not much else. I’ll be shocked if she really pulls the trigger and fires Sweetie. I simply don’t see it happening.

Bryson’s finally home from the slammer and he’s looking just as clueless as ever. Greg and NeNe form a united front but all Bryson can do is give them a lot of I don’t knows and I’ll do betters. He’s acting like he’s 14? Minus 10.

On the upside it sounds like NeNe’s kicking him out. He needs to get a job and move out of her house. Plus 12. Good for NeNe. Coddling Bryson certainly isn’t working, maybe this will.

Cynthia walks in on Peter planning their anniversary party. He’s determined to make this a high end, black tie affair. In one breath he tells Cynthia to trust him and he’ll handle it and in the next he’s asking for money because he’s gone over budget. Minus 15. Some things don’t change.

The worst part is that he keeps saying he’s doing this for Cynthia who has repeatedly said she’d like something small. The truth is that Peter is all about putting on a show. He wants to come across as the big man to friends and family and it always gets him in a hole. Minus 10.

Worse yet is that Peter and Mal can’t stop sniping at one another and it’s getting worse. Peter won’t let Mal in the limo. Mal tells Cynthia that Peter’s a moody, controlling, assh*!e. 

I may mostly agree with Mal but that doesn’t change the fact that this is her sister’s husband. Mal needs to learn to back off or she might lose Cynthia to this jackass.

Plus 11 for Cynthia as she makes a grand entrance. She looks amazing in the dress but the hair doesn’t work for me. All the same, when I see Cynthia looking that good it makes me wonder how she ended up with Peter. Minus 5.

The party has few surprises. First off, Marlo is there with a new guy, Dave. Who the hell is Dave? No one really knows but it sounds like Marlo and Charles are done. 

Sheree continues to try and stir up trouble. She makes a point of telling Lawrence the disparaging things Marlo said about gays while in Africa. At least this time when Sheree threw someone under the bus she got the quote right. Plus 8.

Marlo denies everything and Lawrence looks like he’s not sure what to believe but I agree with his theory that people tend to say how they really feel when they lose their temper. 

Kandi walks in looking good. She’s trying to put the Africa mess behind her and has decided on a strict no baby policy. When she asks if there are any single men at the party, Marlo sniffs that she’d never date a white man. 

Why is everyone throwing the race issue at Kandi?

By the end, most of the guests look bored. There’s no music and not much food leaving people standing around watching the scene between Mal and Cynthia. They’re still arguing about Peter and Mal leaves in tears.

Well, it’s not a party in Atlanta unless someone does.