After a long hiatus, The Real Housewives of Orange County are back for a seventh season. Let's catch up with them in THG's +/- review of the premiere!
When we first see Gretchen, she’s getting ready to go to lunch. With Tamra. Because they’re trying to “bury the hatchet.” And because Tamra’s negativity just brings Gretchen down.
Slade’s not happy about a potential Gretchen-Tamra truce.
Plus 10 for trying to be the bigger person. Minus 10 for the rose petals in the bathroom floor.
Vicki’s house is for sale and they have a showing, so she has to go make the bed for her adult son because people won’t want to buy the house if the line on the comforter isn’t straight. And then they have to fluff the pillows on the couch.
Plus 10 because they’re doing it themselves.
Vicki also reveals that she’s dating a guy named Brooks who lives in Mississippi. He hasn’t been to her house because - get this - Don’s still living there because she needs his paycheck to maintain the house. But it’s okay because she and Don haven’t seen each other in about two months (despite living in the same house).
Minus 10 for the weird factor.Now we’re back to Gretchen and Tamra who are having mojitos. Tamra compares them to dogs sniffing each other’s asses to get to know one another. Gretchen thinks that if Tamra got to know her, Tamra would like her. But Tamra says “I DO like you!” And then Tamra says they just don’t trust each other.
Tamra brought Gretchen a gift. A pink friendship bracelet with a key on it. They can use that key to lock up their past or unlock their future. I blame the mojitos, but Plus 5 for the thought.
They threw the word “like” around so much at that lunch I felt like I was watching a tennis match between two chihuahuas. Minus 10 for poor use of vocabulary.
Alexis is awake and dressed and ready to go at 6:28 in the morning, which is earlier than I’m ever even kind of prepared for anything, so Plus 10 for that. In the off-season she landed a Friday morning segment on the local news station giving health and beauty tips.
Minus 20, however, for both the kissy faces Alexis is making into her cell phone on the ride into work and not even knowing her own home phone number so she can call her husband to wake him up.
Tamra and I are jiving right now. She’s calling the crazy on Vicki and Don still living in the same house. And then Vicki dropped a bombshell - Don wants spousal support.
Plus 10 to Vicki for dealing with that.
Finally, the new housewife! Meet Heather.
Tamra’s trying to sell Heather a plot of land so Heather and her plastic surgeon husband can build a house, except Heather’s not biting because she can see the rooftops of a shopping center off in the distance. Minus 5 to Heather for her crazy demands regarding where she’ll build her next house. Tamra kind of looks like she wants to vomit from intimidation.
And now the women are going to go have coffee.
And then Tamra has Vicki invite Heather to a party.
I can’t decide if Tamra’s being a genius or a crazy person right now.
Alexis is giving us a crash course in what it’s like to be on live TV. I mean, y’all, you don’t get to do a retake or start over if you mess up.
Her segment today? Showing off her ASSets for Dr. Booty. Who is, you know, an “expert” in derrieres. (So, a man?)
Alexis always felt she would be on camera like this! Despite the fact that she has no journalistic training or experience.
That segment was a complete crash and burn. Don’t quit your day job, Alexis. Minus 10 for the awful.
Heather and Tamra are having that coffee and Heather can’t remember how long she and her plastic surgeon husband have been married. Minus 5.
Tamra invites Heather to Vicki’s party and tells her a little bit about the other girls. Heather’s intrigued and agrees to come along. I’m pretty sure she has no idea what she’s just gotten herself into.
Alexis goes over to Gretchen’s house, apparently so they can pre-drink before the party at Vicki’s. Peggy goes over to Tamra’s house so THEY can pre-drink before the party at Vicki’s.
I’m getting the feeling that this party at Vicki’s is going to get crazy. Poor Vicki might have to do more than just fluff her couch cushions before the next showing.
Heather picks Peggy and Tamra up in limo. Alexis and Gretchen and Gretchen’s friend Sarah are in a limo, too. After the pre-drinking, Plus 30 for arranging safe rides.
All the women are arriving at the party at Vicki’s house and the place is growing more awkward by the moment. This party, which is being thrown for no other reason than that Vicki is selling her house, is going to be fantastic. And by fantastic, I mean crazy.
But we’ll have to wait until next week to find out. Coming up this season? An '80s night, the C-word, divorces, proposals, tears, and lots and lots of wine and yelling. But hopefully no spilling of the wine. At least not on purpose this time.
EPISODE TOTAL: +5!