Jersey Shore Recap: Sloppopatumus Unclogged!

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In the aftermath of Sammi's exit from Jersey Shore last week, Ronnie was down in the dumps. The rest of the gang seemed focused more on absurd pranks.

Despite the title, "The Great Depression" was lighter fare than more recent episodes, with fewer epic meltdowns and more bathroom humor - quite literally.

As always, THG has broken down some of the top Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from the episode in our trademark +/- recap below. Let's get to it:


THAT'S JUST WRONG: Pauly's discovery was dirty even by JS standards.

Right off the bat for using the show to pitch Britney Spears' new music video. Videos, on MTV? What a concept! Plus 5 in hopes that this pattern continues.

Despite being enraged every second she's around, Ronnie mopes now that Sammi's gone, whining non-stop in an all-out effort to grow a vagina. Minus 19.

Seriously, Jenni could take Ronnie. You can see the disgust on her face. Plus 4.

Sammi breaks down at home. Minus 10 for not making this a Sammi-free week, 'cause she'll be back wearing her one white skirt/black top outfit in no time.

The Situation attempts to give Ron-Ron a pep talk. On relationships. Minus only 2, because it was nice of him to reach out, but talk about useless advice.

Deena slams cake in Vinny's face, then hides under a bed, only to struggle to get her ass, emblazoned with the words GO HARD on it, underneath. Plus 8.

The prank war gets a nasty when droppings from the dog end up in Deena's and Pauly's beds. Practical jokes are awesome, but ... fecal waste. Minus 10.

Vinny hijacks Snooki's favorite stuffed animal, Crocodilly, dangling it from the deck in a stressful hostage situation. That's how to mess with a girl! Plus 7.

Is it just us or is Snooki resembling Snarf from Thundercats? Minus 6, because at least you never had to worry about Snarf getting naked every week.

JERSEY SHORE UNCLOGGED: Vinny attempts to navigate the brown river.

Ron totally is a girl. He's eating himself silly amid all this grief, when he's not crying of course. How else can one clog so many toilets? Minus 3, or one point per.

Which backed-up plumbing event was more unpleasant? The toilet, as pictured above, or what was going on inside Deena's body? Forget it, let's move on. Wash.

Minus 4 because I spit out my coffee as Snooki prescribed it to Deena, saying it will so help her issue by causing a rainstorm for the butthole. My mind is blown.

Pauly finds some ladies' underwear in the can. "How are you supposed to get fresh in the bathroom with these dirty-ass drawers?" he muses. Seriously. Plus 9.

Plus 5 more for this line by Vinny, absolving himself of any possible tie to said dirty-ass drawers: "The girls I bring home wear no underwear." Like a true PSA.

Ronnie: "I'm glad I've got a penis." Dude ... no. Minus 3.

WHAT UP, GUYS! The gang raids the Smush Room to Snooki's chagrin.

Snook bags a "Mario Brother" named Jionni LaValle! Plus 8. But ...

Having been c*ck-blocked by none other than Jionni a few weeks back, Vinny sees an opportunity for revenge, excavating Snooki from the Smush Room. Plus 11.

Later, The Situation interrupts Vinny's late-night activities by feeding him a burger. You know one of these days, someone's going to try to pull The Rodeo. Plus 8.

Deena feels drunk and homesick after a night out at Karma. The Situation refers to her as a Sloppopatumus, which was funny but poorly-timed, so Plus only 4.

Ronnie somehow talks Deena down, and it's actually sweet. Plus 7.

Minus 2 for me just getting emotional over this utter nonsense.


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