The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion, Part I: Taylor Gets Lippy, Kyle and Camille Fake-Fight

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Part one of The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills reunion aired last night and the gals were fairly subdued. That is until Cohen let Camille and Kyle out of their cages.

Previews airing since the season finale did little to quell our eagerness. What would happen? Would Camille and Kyle find another reason to not be friends?

Would Giggy be on set to bite Andy Cohen should he step out of line?

All this and more (sadly, with the exception of Giggy) played out during part one. Kyle and Camille will not be friends after this. They are two different people with far too little in common to build any sort of stable relationship.

In fact, I can't see Camille staying friends with any of the cast, save for Adrienne. But let's be serious, Adrienne is more of a mama bear than she is a friend to Camille. She's there to pick up the pieces that Kelsey smashed to smithereens.

It's unlikely, though, that Adrienne will ever call up Camille Grammer just to bitch about Paul and his broken nose (goodness knows who is responsible this time). 

The nonsensical bickering between Taylor and Kim was just a prelude to the brawling that started at minute 48 and will certainly continue for at last 30 minutes into the next leg. Please, ladies. Ignore Andy Cohen, because he is there is to provoke you to say nasty things to one another. Take Taylor and Kim, for instance.

What Taylor needs to understand is that Kim is unbalanced.

She has no fight in her and plays dead as soon as her opponent retaliates. The irrelevant, no-one-really-cares-what-happened fight that still continues to this day between Kim and Taylor meandered onto the itinerary of last night's reunion.

Both Kim and a viewer had a problem with Taylor's talk of taking Kim out back and going "Oklahoma on her ass." To this, I say "WHO CARES!" We're all a little on edge these days, and when pushed to our limits, we'd like to go (insert your state here) on someone's ass. 

And quite frankly, Kim Richards makes me want to tear my hair out more than she makes me want to hit her. So Taylor should know better than to try and fight with Kim. You're not going to get anywhere! Plus, Taylor DID participate in a conversation about Camille at LAX, but she denied that the entire thing every happened. 

What a headache. I had to blow the whistle on Taylor's snotty under-her-breath quips to Kyle, who chose to stare at her own chest rather than respond back. 

It made me upset to see Taylor try to sh!t talk Kim to her own sister right in front of everyone. Lock up that plumpy mouth, Taylor. Just let it go.

I'm so winded.  At least no furniture was thrown, and TG no one walked out. Hold your horses, we still have one more session to sit through.

Things you're talking about at the water cooler today:

- Did your eyes fall upon a sea of jewels as soon as the reunion started? So much bling! Goodness gracious. It's as if everyone was assigned seating based on the amount of jewelry they were covered in. Lisa, as Andy Cohen pointed out, looked "very understated" in her throat/chest-encasing necklace.

- Seated next to her was a more toned-down Taylor, who compensated with her lip implants (which, by the way, I had never known before. My tiniest babiest mouth dropped open at the news). Seated on the end we had an equally decked-out Kyle Richards. The Bev Hills gang put on the ritz last night.

- Adrienne looked great. She might have toned up a bit between the finale and the reunion taping. Thumbs up, classy lady. Although the earrings were a bit...loud.

- I very much dislike when Cohen greets the ladies one at a time. "Hi Andy. Hello Andy."

- Our host with the most was surprised to hear that the ladies don't know how much a gallon of milk costs. Cohen, the help picks up groceries. Why the hell would they need to know how much milk costs? 

- After stating that this season's cast is very VERY rich, Cohen asked Lisa about the square footage of her enormous home. I was surprised/disappointed that Lisa answered. Perhaps I hold Mrs. Vanderpump to too-high standards. I expected her not to answer because it was a very tacky question.

- Speaking of Lisa, someone's a bit lippy tonight. The comment about Camille's 3500 square foot New York City apartment not being big enough for her, Kelsey and the girlfriend? My, my. Your blood sugar must be low, because I do not like this attitude on you.

- Make it more obvious that you're desperate to capture a reaction out of Kyle each time Camille speaks, camera guys.

- Ahh, Taylor. You got so angry when viewers used harsh words to describe Camille. May I remind you that you and your friends are now fair game as "reality stars?"  You put yourself on television, therefore you must expect that people are going to be a bit cruel, regardless of whether or not it hurts your feelings.

- With that said, I don't believe that Kim and Kyle Richards should speak about Kim's problems on television. That should be dealt with off-camera.

- Camille did a Skinemax movie in her twenties. Oh, the horror.

- Speaking of tacky, of course Andy Cohen would ask Camille how much her divorce settlement from Kelsey Grammer will be.  "Are you going for 50?" he asked her, followed by "I think it's over 40."  SHUT UP, ANDY COHEN!

- Snarky Lisa moment #2: We're taken back to Lisa's dinner with Kyle at Villa Blanca (the one where she told Kyle she believed Taylor riled Camille up again before the Serafina Showdown).  Lisa planned on having a nice dinner with a friend, only to be interrupted by Taylor who stopped by to talk about her marriage problems.  Ok, then...

- "Talk about the tinsel in your hair, cause we got A LOT of comments about that." This is one of my only gripes about Adrienne.  She's a rock on this series, but her wardrobe and hair tinsel could stand to be burned.

- Oh, where do I even begin with Camille and Kyle?  Just when you think it's over and done with, Andy Cohen steps in to stir that ratings pot.  He's thinking "I've gotta keep the people coming back for more.  We've got a two-week lull before those nuts from NYC roll up, so I have to leave people with really scarring moments.  I'm the king of the world!"