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Who likes anal sex? Who could go for just a tad bit of oral? These answers and a lot more await readers who peruse our intern’s latest recap of The Real Housewives of Atlanta…

Talk about a booming episode! Kandi has moved her Kandi Koated Nights webcast over to her boutique, TAGS, for some self-promotion.  Nene, Kim and Sheree are her guests on a particularly raunchy segment.  Cynthia even shows up to get sex tips. But the girls got more than they bargained because Kandi apparently is getting her jollies these days by asking freakier and freakier questions.   

What’s your freak number? Have you ever peed on anyone?  Sheree’s willing to experiment, so she’s a 9.  Kim doesn’t mind anal, so that makes her a 7.  Nene’s into just a little oral, so she’s a 3. Cynthia’s a 6.  The girls are then treated to a triple X visit from Mr. Luscious, a Hulk-like chocolate stripper with a humongous “sock.”

Real Housewives of Atlanta

Cynthia takes 50-year-old Peter and her personal stylist to meet with Tony Conway, Atlanta’s top celebrity event planner, to discuss her dream wedding. 

Going for a silver-and-chocolate themed, candle-lit evening motif with a mix of antique and modern, the planner promises 50-year-old Peter that he’ll keep the budget under one million.  Gotta make it extra special for Cynthia… and Atlanta, of course!

Nene goes with her friend to meet with Randy Kessler, a top divorce lawyer in Atlanta.  She and Gregg are definitely not in a good place. Nene’s doing her research and needs some advice.  She needs time to decide what to do about this situation and wants this to be a wake up call for Gregg.  Looking to scare him straight, she decides to file for divorce.  Game on!

Kim takes 13-year-old Brielle shopping for an abstinence ring.  The fugly brat is scared of STDs and an unplanned pregnancy (ironic, huh?) and decides that a $3,000 diamond encrusted ring should do the job of snapping those legs shut.  Apparently, though, there’s no hope for eight-year-old Ariana who, according to Kim, “came out of the womb looking for a man.”

Kandi goes into the studio to rework “The Ring Don’t Mean A Thing” and is still annoyed that she’s not making any money off “Tardy for the Party.”  She records a new version of the song for Kim to approve and basically decides Kim can lump it if she doesn’t like it.  There are plenty of real artists out there who will actually PAY good money for the song.

Phaedra and Apollo come home from Augusta with little Aydan Adonis.  Phaedra had to spend a week in the hospital and now she’s ready to face motherhood.  No longer “fancy free and footloose,” she’s chained to this baby.  Due to complications arising from her C-section, Apollo has to literally carry Phaedra around the house. 

Kim and Nene get together to discuss their marital woes.  Well, Nene’s the only married one, but as usual Kim makes the conversation all about her and tells Nene that she’s getting to the point of being done with Big Poppa.  She wants a future with an available man and may even want more kids.  Flash forward to the present, Kim. Wish granted!

While over at Kim’s parents home with her mom and aunt, Kandi hears about Gregg’s radio interview with a local DJ from Kim.  Listening to it on an iPad, Kandi’s shocked at Gregg’s utter lack of indiscretion.  Gregg not only accuses Nene of using him but claims to have invested $300K in making Nene a “star.”  Sheree and ladyboy Lawrence also hear about the interview and are flabbergasted and fascinated.  Did Gregg know he was being recorded?  Even so, how can you be so stupid and discuss such intimate things with a total stranger? 

Kandi doubts Nene will reconcile with Gregg after hearing about this.

Sheree and Lawrence are doing a boxing workout where Lawrence asks Sheree about the Love Doctor.  Has Sheree confronted the defensive fake doctor yet?  Hang on, Ladyboy.  It’s coming!

Kandi drags Kim out to her car and demos the new and improved “The Ring Don’t Mean A Thing” for her.  Surprise: Kim loves it!  She tells Kandi she never doubted her for a moment.  She just wanted to get her way.  Thanks for the input, Quincy.

Sheree finally confronts the Love Doctor while at an outdoor lunch.  There’s no communication, no trust and no honesty in this “relationship” so Sheree wants out.  Realizing that the “doctor” is a tit-for-tat kinda guy, Sheree just wants some kind of proof that he’s a doctor.  The Love Doctor wants some kind of proof that Sheree’s a woman.  What?!?  Time to hit the bricks, dude.  And, by the way, who’s paying for lunch?

Nene’s first day at work is going along pretty well.  Breaking in her new laptop and doing some online research, she sees her own face in a local gossip item.  Gregg’s backstabbing hits her full on. Nene laughs it off, but inside she’s dying.  Nene also learns she can be fired for this because contractually it puts her in a bad light.  11 Alive’s anchor, Karyn Green, tells Nene she better handle this with Gregg.  Obviously something’s wrong because “dogs don’t bark at parked cars.”

Nene and Gregg get into a huge nasty fight when Nene comes home from her first day on the job.  How can Gregg have done this to her?  What $300K?  Nene throws everything back in Gregg’s face and wants what she’s invested in him back, as well.  The argument escalates into a he-said/she-said debacle, which is shocking.  Nene’s pissed that Gregg obviously never had her back and realizes she doesn’t know this person standing in front of her.  Gregg accuses Nene of the same thing.  Nene is beyond livid and says she’s married to a monster. 

Game over.