Kim Kardashian: Pregnant?!?

If anonymous sources, lacking any evidence whatsoever, are to be believed, Kim Kardashian is pregnant.

The clear proof of Kim’s expecting state lies in the eyewitness account of an employee at a pharmacy in London, who told Life & Style this week that the world’s most famous reality star picked up a trio of home pregnancy tests on Sunday.

A teen mother’s baby is in danger and on drugs and.. wait, Kim Kardashian has cravings?!?!?

“She picked up three Clearblue tests,” said the source. “I did a double-take, as I couldn’t believe it was her.”

The magazine goes on to say that it doesn’t know the results of these kits, but “all signs certainly point to a positive reading.”

Among those positive signs? Kim has mostly drank water during public events over the last few weeks; she’s eaten a lot of pasta recently; and, as an insider says:

“Kim has swapped her trademark skintight dresses for a lot of loose fitting tops and even ponchos. It’s been a sudden transition from one to the other.”

There you have it, folks! A baby is obviously on the way for Kardashian and, we presume, Miles Austin. The only remaining question: What will he or she be named? Kleo? Kory? Kandi? We’ll likely find out in next week’s fallacious cover story.