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From sex tape talk to a near-beatdown, last night’s Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion special was as scripted entertaining as hyped.

While every second of this nauseating nonsense could have its own in-depth special, we’ve broken the night down to our favorite moments. Foremost them:

1. Jacqueline and Teresa alleged that Danielle Staub had sex with her boyfriend in front of Teresa’s kids. Said Giudice, quite simply: “You’re a pig, you’re disgusting and you’re desperate.”

2. Teresa, on her rumored financial woes: “I have my husband, I have my four beautiful daughters and that’s all I need.” Let’s see if she maintains that attitude when she’s residing in a cardboard box next month.

3. Jacqueline admitted to watching Danielle’s sex tapes, saying they were akin to “bad acting porn.” Ouch. She just called Staub a skank and a poor actress!

4. Danielle made a comment about Teresa’s nephew, which caused Giudice to leap out of her chair and scream at her rival: “Do not break up my family!” She proceeded to toss Andy Cohen aside and chase Danielle off stage.

It’s a truly fantastic clip. Watch it now:

Teresa Attacks!