The Bachelor Babe's Take on Episode Five

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Because our standard weekly recaps are clearly not enough to quench your thirst for The Bachelor gossip, commentary and insight, The Hollywood Gossip's own Bachelor Babe will be sharing her thoughts on each exciting episode with us as well.

Here's her take on Jason Mesnick and his five (now four) remaining ladies after Monday's trip to his native Seattle, where burning questions left J sleepless ...

On this episode of Jason Plus Five... Wait wait wait wait wait - First scene of Jason is on a houseboat?!!?!?!? 

That CANNOT be where he lives - it has to be made up, right?

The producers are just trying to recreate Sleepless in Seattle – I totally see right through that plot device. Well, I have news for you producers, it won’t work because we all know Jason doesn’t like blondes. The only girl that comes even close to the cuteness of Meg Ryan is Molly with her adorable little giggle. Okay, I’m totally right! Nine minutes later the announcer says “Burning questions leave Jason sleepless” - leave it to the rest of us to add “in Seattle.”

Anyway, after 30 minutes of recap and random shots of Jason and the girls, the episode actually starts. Melissa Rycroft gets the first one-on-one date, with a hand delivered letter from Jason who tells her not to open it 'til he leaves. When he leaves (approximately three seconds later) Melissa opens the note which says, “Let’s hit the town in style, J.”

Which part of that couldn’t be read in front of him??

Turns out the date is canceled so Jason can spend the evening with Ty (awwww), so Melissa goes to Jason’s house and proceeds to… clean up Jason and Ty’s leftovers. Nice, Jason. Remind us again what you’re looking for in a spouse?? Like any neglected housewife, Melissa pours herself a glass of wine and sits on the couch waiting for her man to show her some attention.

Melissa Rycroft and Jason Mesnick

Will Melissa Rycroft embrace playing housewife with The Bachelor?

Next, Stephanie, Jillian and Molly get the group date and head to a harbor cruise, where Jason promises to show them “The Best of Seattle” (isn’t that a coffee slogan?).

He chooses this moment to bring up Sleepless in Seattle again, when they motor past the houseboat where Tom Hanks lived in the movie. Jason pulls Stephanie aside for alone time, but you don’t really see any spark between them.

My roommate Nicole says that Stephanie seems like the woman that Jason would be best friends with, and they wouldn’t be able to get married to anyone else without each other’s approval, and Ty and Sophia would grow up being buddies, but there won’t ever be a real spark and passion. Nicole also says Stephanie just needs to get laid, and I kind of agree with her.

After the ferry ride, the girls go to the radio station to watch Jason give a live interview. Don’t worry though, the hosts have been married “for a long time” according to Jason, so they’re obviously qualified to help Jason decide which girl to keep around. The hosts make Jason have a kissing contest, which again just made me feel badly for Stephanie - a first kiss because the radio host told you to?? Doesn’t bode well for you honey. Especially after Jason just named Molly as the best kisser.

Next, Jason and the group date go to dinner and Jason spent some alone time with Jillian and Molly Malaney - pretty uneventful. Molly told Jason about her family and the Malaney Beer Pong game that’s likely to happen if he goes to visit, and I was really disappointed that Jason didn’t seem more excited about that.

I mean, how cool and fun must her family be?? 

The last one-on-one date Jason has is with Naomi and her note tells her not to look down or she might fall in love ... I really think Jason Mesnick has an obsession with flying in things!

He took Melissa in a blimp then was going to take her in a helicopter and now he’s taking Naomi in a plane?!?!? Is there a little Peter Pan in him?? Does he play with Ty’s toys too much?? Anyway, after the plane ride Naomi and Jason go rock climbing, where Jason says they have an “extreme kiss.”

I’m sorry Jason, but rock climbing in some granola overpriced clothing store and climbing a wall with NO chance of falling because you’re attached to 1,000 ropes is not extreme. It’s actually a little lame, and I’m pretty sure Naomi knew it – she was just excited to get some alone time with Jason.

Meanwhile back at the house, the girls all get in a bathtub together.

This is not normal.

Thanks ABC, we know you set that one up. I’m a girl and I’ve never ever climbed into a bathtub with three other girls. Or even two. Or one.

And I should add that Nicole and I have a huge Jacuzzi with jets and Disney Princess bubble bath. Still hasn’t happened. And never would if the people filming you and controlling your life at that moment didn’t tell you to. Just doesn’t happen in real life, sorry guys (ha, as if there are guys that watch this show)!

Now, it’s time for the rose ceremony, and Jason, your outfit is terrible. Who picked that out? More shots of Jason and the girls, and more recap, and thanks announcer for announcing there’s only one rose left as if we can’t count.

Producers, if you’re going to make every episode two hours this year, at least film more material so you can fill up the time with actual things going on, not random, out of place announcements.

This ending was a little sad, but I think we all saw it coming: Stephanie, we’re sorry to see you go, I wish you and Jason had a bit more of a connection, or that he didn’t believe Naomi when she said she was ready for something serious and that she’d open up eventually. I certainly didn’t believe her.

So let’s see, here’s the lineup for next week:

  • A little golfing in Grand Rapids, Michigan with Molly (we still haven’t seen that golf swing).
  • More climbing in Carlsbad, Calif., with Naomi.
  • How aboot an out of the country experience with Jillian from Canada, eh?
  • Obviously something up in the air (we’ve done blimp, plane and helicopter, maybe a hot air balloon ride next?) with Melissa in Dallas, Texas.
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The Bachelor Quotes

There’s still a lot of growing to do in our relationship. We will not tie the knot until I am mentally and physically prepared as well as Matt.

Shayne Lamas

It was a fairytale proposal like I’ve always dreamed about. I forgot that there [were] cameras around. In that moment, it was just Matt and I and it was the most amazing moment of my entire life.

Shayne Lamas [on proposal by Matt Grant]