Celebrity New Year's Resolutions For 2009

by at . Comments

On New Year's Eve, we brought you our first annual 2008 Awards, giving props to the celebs, stories and events that made last year one for the ages.

Now that 2009 is officially underway, we've put together a list of celebrity resolutions for the New Year! Here's what some of our favorite celebrities are planning on doing to make this year even better than last (at least in our imaginations) ...

Britney Spears: Stockpile 18-month supply of Cheetos, pork rinds and Starbucks Frappucinos in anticipation of the worsening global financial crisis.

Hugh Hefner: Live until 2010 ... while shagging younger and younger babes.

Shenae Grimes: Making friends with salad. Maybe even with grilled chicken.

Miley Cyrus: To plan her apologetic statement now for when nude photos are leaked online in July. Then plan her 17th birthday party.

Courtenay Semel: Pose for fake girl-on-girl action photos to get attention.

Tila Tequila and Courtenay Semel

Eh hem. Everybody! Look! Look at us! We're girls! Groping each other!

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag: Seven continents. Seven fake wedding albums.

Kourtney Kardashian: To come out of her sisters' uglier shadows.

Grey's Anatomy and Heroes: Stop sucking.

Joe Simpson: Fire Ashlee and start repping Bronx Mowgli.

Bristol Palin: Don't give Sarah any more grandchildren.

Larry Rudolph: Hack into people's email accounts like a madman and romantically link Britney Spears to anyone she has ever been in the same room with.

Chace Crawford: Date every girl on Gossip Girl cast; Move on to other CW shows.

Larry Birkhead: Step it up and pimp Dannielynn even harder.

Akon: Give DMX a run for the career lead in celebrity mug shots.

Tony Romo: Play competently with something besides giant boobs after November.

The only "receiver" Tony Romo hits with consistency after December 1.

Dina Lohan: Executive produce an Ali Lohan sex tape.

Jennifer Aniston: Continue beating that (lucrative) dead horse into submission by talking $h!t about Brangelina and posing naked 24/7.

Barack Obama: Initiate smooth transition to Washington, D.C.; Preside over economic stimulus plan and recovery; Reduce global violence; Improve bowling average.

DeAnna Pappas: Get engaged with co-producer of her new wedding show, then break up with him and become even more famous.

The Hollywood Gossip: 1. Make peace with Perez Hilton; 2. Report on drunken Lauren Conrad and Blake Lively cat-fight-turned-make-out session at Hyde.